Month: June 2013

  • Sitting Here Waiting.

    Waiting is so hard, especially when it’s a life in the day. So, I keep busy. Thankfully, I enjoyed a visit with one of my favorite people in the world. Yes, you, Sheryl. It was a treasured time; crying, laughing, talking, listening, sharing hopes, verbally figuring out stuff like heartbreak and what that looks like to a mom… soulbreak and what that looks like to legalistic church people who assume that YOU’RE the spiritually constipated one when actually, it’s probably THEM. I don’t know, but I am certain that God loves and has forgiven all of us. He wants to love and forgive through us.   
    And then there’s the trust thing and the believing that He will come through for us. I’m seeing, through my mom’s cancer and deterioration that he DOES come through…with little blessings like a pink painted walker and a genuine Philly hoagie for mom. And how he preserved my son and his best buddy when his buddy lost control of his car and they hit a wall and then bounced off to roll 3 times. Thank you DEAR GOD for not taking my son or his friend or his friend’s younger brother quite yet.
    I know, I know. People all around me have suffered through SO much more and  here I am, talking like a life in the day and a day in the life is too, too much. Earlier yesterday, I felt that. wanted to just sit down and cry. But, the meltdown didn’t come. I’d already leaked out enough here and there. 
    So, the fire near our town has been brought into submission, enough so that firefighters can go help in other states, like Colorado. We have cooler temps and more wind today and by now, everyone is despairing because still…no rain in the forecast. Such is life here, today. I’m happy that the sun is shining and we keep going. We love and are loved. What a blessing!
  • It Can’t Be SuMmEr Without….

    a wildfire. This fire started about 8 miles outside of our town and the winds have been whipping it toward the north, away from town. We have a lot of friends with homes very close to the burning area and thankfully, no homes have burned. We’ve seen quite a bit of air support and great ground support. Firefighters are amazing. So much can go wrong, yet they are well trained and work hard to see success. I couldn’t resist getting a few of my own photos; so many people have been out with their cameras to shoot the fire pictures. Tonight, I elected to stay home and get the last of the laundry done. 
    Things are happening around here. My mom has a definite stage 4 cancer diagnosis and has decided, calmly and with determination, to refuse any further tests and treatment. She is “done” with all that and simply wants to enjoy what time she has left. I do not have the heart to call the doctor and ask what the guesstimate on lifespan is now. What I am going to be doing, beginning tomorrow, is make her bucket list items happen. I have cried with her and laughed with her and I have been very stoic at times…like a soldier. This is just so hard, yet I have experienced comfort and peace and strength. God is with us.
  • Off the Top of My Heart

    One day last week (I think that’s when it was), I was able to go for a walk with a friend. She spotted a cool looking weed and it was too far off the path where we’d already seen a snake and 3 men told us about several very large green something kind of snake. (If THEY were afraid, WE were going to be veeerrrry careful!). So, I figured I’d go back another day and see if I could be brave enough to take a picture of it. Well, I didn’t go back. I’ve been too busy with life in and around the house.  Yesterday, I went out back, into the far corner behind the garden to “fetch” some chicken wire for the garden. To my utter delight, thee was this weed. The very same kind that my friend and I saw on our snake path walk! I dashed into the house and grabbed my camera. You see my hasty result. I am so happy about a weed photo, it’s ridiculous. I wonder if Jesus was laughing. It’s these little things that make my day. And when big happy things happen, I’m ecstatic. 
     My mom had a breast biopsy done. Younger sister was emotional. Dad was nervous. Older sis was nervous. Mom was emotional, telling us about her final wishes. Youngest brother and I were on the same page with this latest test; feelings kept in check. He and I are so very much alike. Give us both ALL of the facts, all of the results, and THEN we’ll figure out what to do with everything. Yes, I did cry at the beginning of the journey, but have reminded myself that we shouldn’t jump into a pot that’s not boiling and say we’re burning. Tomorrow, I take mom for a cat scan and a bone scan. Next week, we get results.  Feelings in check.