September 6, 2013
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Tired Rose Petals
My mother didn’t look beautiful at death. However, I still KNEW she was beautiful. While her spirit went to heaven to rejoice, my spirit felt tired. While I desperately needed to be held or touched ONLY by her, her body was now a cold shell. While her fingers~hands became smaller and bony, yet NOT curled in (thankfully), mine felt weak from the times I helped to change her, move her, feed her, cuddle her, change her bed (along with my older sister)…long before the friend and hospice home care lady and younger sister came. They were the younger ones with more umph than I and older sis had. Older sis is a saint. She, in her developmentally disabled and not great physical shape did everything she could to help mom. There came a point when she and I needed help. Younger sis fluttered onto the scene like a determined angel. Then her hubby came and the 2 of them decided to spend a few nights there, no doubt thinking they could “do this”. I was so grateful that they came to the rescue. It didn’t take long for them to see that we ALL needed more help, much more help as mom’s condition was now beyond just us. We called in the troops! They called Hospice and got that ball rolling. (THANK GOD for Hospice!) Also, our “adopted” big sister from Pennsylvania arrived to my house at 2 a.m. one day after our dear, extremely enthusiastic friend from California came. In those next few days, I felt comforted, yet overwhelmed in a different way. If there was ever one piece of advice I’d give to people going through this, it is: Let your desires be known, heard. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Because of circumstances, I was denied the privilege of helping to dress my mom in her final outfit, the beautiful butterfly top that she would wear when her body would be taken out of the house. At first, I was angry. Now, I am not, because in the grand life puzzle, the pieces were put together by someone else. I can exercise power in other ways, not to harm anyone, but to help myself feel comforted, in control. And that is why I take pictures; capturing life moments as they present themselves to me.
Comments (6)
Your comments remind me so much of how it was in the finial few days with first my Mom the several years later with my Dad friends can be such a God send…
Hospice and other care givers are a gift from God for sure…
Take your time to heal and mourn you and your family have been through alot
Blessings
Love you bunches
Those first final days are heartwrenching!
HI Gail, I sure relate to this. As you know, my wife had her mom and aunt with us almost 5 years. Finally the aunt needed professional care, and mom did not go to the nursing home until a few weeks before she past away—all very sad.
It is tough—and Hospice is wonderful. We used them with an Aunt Pearl. They were a God send.
Anyway, it is quite a process and then the long grieving period.
blessings
frank
I do remember you telling me that. Yes, Hospice people are God-sends. We really, really loved our nurse, Susan. Also the home care gal, Vicky. They both even came to mom’s memorial service. Very thoughtful!
my mom is in the nursing home in a memory wing and she will leave one day I know but it will still be hard on me. She’s my mommy
Yes, still your mommy. I feel that. Immensely. My love to you!