November 2, 2010
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Here come the Tears...
Today is my Dad's 80th birthday. It took him forEVER to tell me "I love you, Gail". I genuinely believe him. The lifetime of hurt and tears are behind us. Now, we have a joyful relationship, which I am so grateful for. There is healing in that. Today is also the day that my brother has just been sentenced to 5 years in prison. He did horrible things; committed crimes against family members and "society", working with and for a gang, addicted to ungodly things. I have cried so many times over the pain he caused and cried when I thought he was healed and I saw him for the first time in a long time. I cried then because I, his big sister, was so relieved that he wasn't found shot to death in an alley somewhere. I cried when he said, "I love you, Gail" and I peered into his eyes and said, "No matter what happens, Dave, I will ALWAYS love you". Now, the tears are flowing again. I wish I could save him. Why did he grow up so deviated? I hate to picture him shackled, wearing prison clothes and prison sandals, going into a place behind cold, hard metal doors to live another phase of his torn life. My youngest brother is relieved. I am relieved for him. I have cried for his pain. This is so very hard and I really, really need prayer because it's like a humoungous scab has been ripped off and now the massive rawness of a wound is revealed. I believe in Jesus our healer and I do have an unstoppable hope for the future. My experience with healing in different areas hasn't been a hoax and I believe that there is power in prayer. This is a big day for me and my family and we need big power.
Comments (17)
There is power in prayer, my friend, I and the your other Xanga friends are prayer warriors. I am confident that everytime we come here and ask for prayer, Xanga friends hit their knees. This day sounds like one that would bring you to tears, but our God is faithful and He will see you through this and you are not alone in this. We love you girlfriend, and we are praying. (I am taking the liberty of speaking for all your Xanga friends
) Although the picture of your brother in prison is not what you want to think about, it is considerably better than being found dead in an alley somewhere. His hand can easily reach into prison!!!!
@oldfatgramma - Amen!
We love you Gail. Praying for you, and for your brother. I will be praying for the Lord to do a good work in him. God is so good to knit us together in love and He is faithful to bring you to mind often. (((HUGS))) Jenny
My heart is saddened for you, my friend. I pray that the Lord somehow receives glory and I know His promise will stand true, "All things work together for good to them that love the Lord." Prayers for you and your family.
Sending tons of prayers your way. May God grant you the peace you are searching for.
I pray for healing for you and for your troubled brother. The Lord can work in your brother's heart. I can not imagine your pain and sadnes. A very sad time.
@oldfatgramma - @ABAHM - @myall4christ81 - @fortheloveofblogging - @Lucy_or_Ethel - I feel the love and prayers! Thank you for caring and for the reminder that God IS faithful and that all things work together and that God CAN do a good work in Dave...HUgs to all of you.
You know, my husband grew up with all those "I love you"'s. I did not. And when we had our two daughters we both told them many times a day "I love you" and hugged them. One grew up to believe and accept it, one did not. So, saying it and showing it doesn't always mean a good outcome. I'm glad you got to hear your father say it finally. You must have known deep down that he did love you..but hearing it is comforting in ways that actions don't bring. God bless your dad. I hope he feels comfortable saying it more now that he's finally done it once.
Your brother in prison. You know Gail? There are Christians there too. And God may have your brother in the only place where he will be open to salvation when he meets up with one. We never know what paths others need to travel down to meet up with their creator. You just love that boy with all your heart and do it without conditions. That's what he needs. It's what we ALL need. It's what turns our hearts around...eventually.
Tears are not a bad thing. Sometimes it helps us cleanse our heart. SO..Shed them.
Oh, Gail
I'm so sorry that life is so hard. A good cry will be healing for you, and hopefully 5 years away from temptations and evil will be healing for your brother too. In the meantime, a happy birthday wish for your father, and I'm delighted to hear that you now have a good relationship with him. Will message you later this evening or tomorrow --
Love and hugs,
Janet
@jans_corner - Thank you, my dear..."I love you" can come in different forms, for sure. My Dad has told me many times, actually this year. Each time, it really hits and this last time I honestly felt more blessed. Alot has happened since Mom almost died in May. Ups and downs but lately, more ups. Today, I must believe that my brother will remember that we really have loved him. And that SOMEbody in prison will be the one to help guide him to Jesus. Dave grew up hearing the Message, he just needs to want to give his heart/life completely to Him. Thank you for encouraging me!
I am celebrating your dad and the place you are at today in your relationship with him!
And my heart is wrenched over how painful this day must also surely be for you and your family.
I am so sorry...and will pray ~ am praying right now!
I don't know if I have big prayers, but I do have a big God.
I know a bit about the conflicting emotions; hurt, relief and shame, over a brother being sentenced to prison. Mine is there too.
Big hugs to you Gail!
Skuh-weeze!
Feel that?!
love.
@slmret - You're right! Five years away from temptations and evil will help! I'll be calling my Dad in a little while and will tell him of your Happy Birthday wish! Gigantic hugs to you from me! ( ;
@down_onthefarm - Oh yeah, I felt it! I need all the hugs and "skuh-weeze"s I can get! Our big God knows about your big heart and the way you pray, dear girly. Thank you SO much. And the shame, yeah, that's there...I'm still like, NO! I can't accept that my own little brother is ay, ay, ay, THERE. That just shakes my core. My head wants to split open and that's just from all the crying. Anyway, I love that you know how to care. I have the most amazing friends.
boy i have a lot of catching up to do (lots of reading!)
WOW! you do such a great job Gail with words and pictures! i love how your photos go with what you write!
boy Zanga did change a lot. had a hard time finiding you and then a hard time finding where I could leave a comment, the comment box is not at the bottom of the page anymore! Help!
Gail I FEEL some of your pain and hurt- but GOD is bigger-
I know the shame, I know all about the family secrets that do nothing to bring about healing-
i know the freedom and the fear of transparency. I know what hypocrisy looks and feels like. I know what conditional love is. I know what low self esteem feels like. I know some of your agony. BUT then there is GOD and He is bigger than all of our hurts and problems.
In a way, it's sad to say, but David is in a safer place- for him and for the rest of of your family and society. What he does with that experience is his choice to make. God walks those halls; and his loving arm, and his his still small voices reaches those dark cold cells too. God is the only one who can reach down and tear our an evil heart and replace it with a new one; He's the only one who can bring life from death, and only He can transform a life from darkness to light...hang on tight- to Him!
@NewsyNancy - Oh, I'm hangin' on, Nance, I'm hangin' on! I love you bunches and bunches and I love what you wrote! The Lord will be there when Dave arrives; I'm sure His plan is already in action. I know you know...shame, embarrasament, conditional love, etc. We've both been through the stuff and look where we are now, loving our Lord, forgiving our tormentors, hoping for future dreams to help people. Big squishy hugs to you!!!
Happy Birthday to your daddy. 80 years is a lot of life
Prayers for you and your family. Don't you wish that you could make people make betterdecisions in life? But in the same sense, aren't you glad that it doesn't depend on us!?I am so glad that God is so big, that He knows what is best, and that He is totally in control!Don't give up on your brother, love him like Jesus would (and does)....you never know whatperson or circumstances God will use to call Him. Love your "unstoppable hope"!
I'm SO glad it doesn't depend on us! Thank you for your prayers for our family! My Dad told me he talked to Dave on the phone and Dave said, "Tell Gail I love her". Ay, ay, ay, my heart. I do love that boy and always will. But I hate what he's done. Some day I want to go see him, just to have some contact. But I don't know if I could handle the prison visit. ) ;
I am so sorry that I missed this....=( I haven't been reading through everyone's updates these past two weeks.
I feel so bad for your family. One of my really good friends recently went through this struggle with her sister. Her sister was in and out of jail, but it would have been better for her to stay longer than she did. She was starting to open up to the gospel, and then was let out. She ended up getting pregnant and a few months after her baby was born, she ended up overdosing on accident. It was a horrible and sad situation.
Your brother on the other hand has time now! Lots of time! During this time, God could open up his heart and he won't have the distractions of the outside world. This could be a good thing...even though it doesn't seem like it now. There are so many prison ministries, and like another person commented, there are other Christians in prison too. God is big, He knows.
We will be praying for you and your family.
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