Instead of taking the time to write here, tapping these little square, black keys, I chose to dump my feelings on the lined paper pages in my pretty journal. A paper cut while turning a quickly filled page
reminded me that life is moving at a fast pace, yet it’s important to still use pen and paper. I write to stay sane. Processing feeling, events, facts, and recording quotes so that I have “proof” that something has been said is important to me.
Parts of life are pushed back into my little mental closets. I don’t like pain of any kind, even though pain helps us to persevere and grow stronger. Other parts of life are the things that I wish I could suspend in front of my eyes so that I can enjoy the JOY and beauty of the moment. My sister’s recent, horrific dental visit (5 extractions without pre-numbing for each shot of novacaine) (yes, really) was an experience I will never forget, while she will never remember because of the sleeping pill that finally took effect. My pain of really missing mom hit me 2 weeks ago and I simply wanted to run away. Running in place has become the new norm. The joyful moments include my little grown up girl’s upcoming wedding. Thankfully, things are rolling right along and for that, I am so thankful. The photo of her in the gown we bought is at the forefront of my memory right now and I smile with sheer contentment. Soon, my 6th grandwonder will be born, hopefully healthy…a little girl. The events of life are like the petals of the rose. Layered. Some with ragged edges. The outer ones kind of flopping open and the inner ones looking crisp and tight. The in-between layers~petals are sensing both ways; feeling the tightness of the inner ones and watching the flopping of the outer ones. I wonder where I am in this. Probably in the middle section with a few ragged edges.