March 29, 2011

• Let Not Your Mind Be Tormented!

  

  Let me just start typing. It is SO true that when you live in a bubble and then it is burst, you can either have a big tizzy or you can  land gracefully, pick back up and commit your way to God. Usually, I struggle with wanting to be the best wife and mother and whatever other role I am supposed to be in. I didn't really think that was a pride thing. Just wanted to be better "at it", to make myself feel  like I was doing okay or better than okay, so that everyone in my bubble would feel happy about me being in it, too. Ha! Sounds like a pride thing after all, huh? Yeah, but I didn't really get it 'til I was sitting at my friend's 50th birthday party where over 50 of her friends of all ages were in attendance. Heaps of praise came upon her. Fabulous stories, hilarious stories of adventure, mischief, kindness...She has LIVED and has been so generous and gracious to SO many people. She accepts EVeryone. You're fat? No problem. Ugly? Low income? She scoops you right in along with the cosmetically altered, beautiful rich lady. Why?  I don't know. I wondered to myself why I couldn't be like her. Why have I wasted so much of my life in my little place, controlled by fear and my idea of friendship and acceptance? I don't know.

  The next day was my birthday. I knew there would be no party and hubby, who normally would bake a fantastic cake, was glad I opted to go to the valley, instead of staying home waiting for a birthday cake and maybe, miraculously, a phone call from mom. Here's where it gets good. A sample of unbelievable random kindness from a stranger. My main desire was to eat breakfast at Butterfields. My hubby's main desire was to meet an internet Christian blogger named Jeff, who had e-mailed saying he'd be eating....breakfast at Butterfields! He was from another state. Here was an opportunity for my hubby to meet someone he already admired and respected in the Internet world. So, we met Jeff and his 2 buddies and we all ate breakfast together. They were surprised that though it was my birthday, I was willing to eat breakfast with them. We all got along famously and had SUCH a good time. Amazingly, one of them (Dave) sneakily paid for EVeryone's breakfast! I was STUNNED. We had just met one hour before. Can you spell G E N E R O U S? He was humble about it and I bet he didn't go blabbing, all puffed up about it later! So that was the beginning of my great birthday. Our new friends were looking forward to attending a Spring Training baseball game and I was looking forward to using my Nordstrom gift card and having dinner later with friends at Cheescake Factory. None of my family called to ask what I was doing or where I'd be for my Bday, and they never come up to our town to see me, so I have "adopted" friends to be my famiily. They are sweet, wonderful people who, like my now 50 year old friend, and obviously our new friends from OK, love and accept everybody who comes along needing a friend. At dinner, our friends met us and gave me a gift: a framed photo...one of my own favorites that I shot at Laguna Beach last year. I was so excited! Isn't that thoughtful? When it was time to leave for the 2 hour drive home, I was a bit sad. I had plenty of time to think. What do I need to do to change? Change for the simple reason that this is who Jesus is through me, with no agenda, no demands, no doubt, no worldly ideals, no self torture? Why can't I be like THAT person or THAT person??? Why do fear and selfishness and pride keep me sealed in this bubble? Oh, and then there's the panic that I must make this change YESterday. Time is running out and I haven't DONE anything, I haven't BEEN anywhere; I haven't lived! Somebody better please pop this bubble and let me out. Let me out of my way and into God's way...Help me, Jesus!

  • 12:48 am
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