July 13, 2009
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Girlfriends, Please Help Me Here!
For cryin' out loud, what is goin' on??? I've always been a protective, loving mom, not wanting too much of the ugliness of the world to run like spilled ink into my kids' lives! I allowed my young friend to take my son as one of 3 invited guests to a Diamondback's baseball game in Phoenix. My friend's son was celebrating his 16th birthday. They would be going to dinner first. In order to shorten te story I will skip ahead to the next night when we found out where they went to dinner. It starts with an H and the waitresses are supposed to be the main attraction because of their ample upper anatomy. Our son told us later that when he saw where they were going in to, he thought, "UH,OH, this isn't going to go over well at all." But he wasn't strong enough to tell the mom that this wasn't the kind of place we go to and that he was uncomfortable with it. That night, Hubby and I barely slept, we were so upset. We are both extremely sensitive about this whole subject due to the fact that abuse occurred in my family and a certain horrid magazine was shown to hubby as a 12 year old. I have seen part of my family completely destroyed because of the effects of you can guess what. Also, we are sensitive about the whole anti-Christ world and the popular authors who glorify evil and the movies that have been made as a result of the books' popularity. We never allowed our children to read those books or go see those movies. Well, tonight I got a phone call from our youth pastor's house from a young friend who casually mentioned that they were almost finished watching ALL of those H. Potter movies!!!!!! I thought I would burst my vocal chords yelling, "WHAT???" into the phone! The poor kid didn't know what to say! I am livid, people. I , at this very moment want to leave our church and find one where people aren't going to undermine our parenting and just assume that the kids' parents are okay with this stuff. If I'd known that dinner was going to be at H------s and that H. Potter movies were on at the youth pastor's house, my son would NOT have been allowed to go! Hubby and I have been in this church since Jan. of 1987; very active in as manyministries as possible, lately to the point of burnout. Please tell me...Do you think it is normal for this stuff to be happening? Our kids just got back from a "mission" trip to Skid Row in LA and a large Christian conference with awesome speakers and bands. In preparation for the trip, they weren't allowed to listen to secular music or go to any pg-13 movies (or worse). Nice. Happy parents. Oh, and of course, all the good little teenagers memorized Scripture. I loved all this support and spiritual backup for us parents. Now, I feel like it's all down the toilet. Am I right in feeling this way or am I overreacting? Hubby and I will now have to meet with our youth pastor and tell him where we stand; he's only 27, not a parent, graduated fro Moody Bible in Chicago and is ongoing with his eduacation. Married for 4 years. We really, really need your prayers 'cuz my nature says to just throw in the towel and take off. The still small voice inside says, "I am with you always, even to the end of the age"...even to where you have your hand on the exit door, even to when you are sick of churchianity, masks, two faced people, wimpy leaders who are trying to please everyone. He says, I am with you even when you are the judgemental person, thinking you can do all these "jobs" better than that other gal can or even when you are the whiney complainer not wanting to do anyting because you want a vacation and you're angry at everyone because you"need a break". I am with you always when you are sincere and when you are not. I am with you always, even when my other children hurt you and when you want to hurt them back. I am with you, I am with you, I am WITH you. Oh dear, dear dear.
Comments (22)
Whoa!
All right, I will preface this by saying I'm 32, unmarried and have no kids. So, you may stop reading now if you wish.
That said... i grew up i a very sheltered home...well, in some respects. I am thankful... but there comes a point when you overprotect... when your continuing to slather your kid in antibacterial lotion actually weakens his immune system and makes him more susceptible to infection.
First situation.... look at the bright side that your son told you where they went to eat, was honest with you and was uncomfortable himself. Yes, he didn't speak up... that's hard. It's really hard with your friends, but to speak up to a parent? I hope you encouraged him... don't freak him out with your freaking out. He needed to evaluate this situation on his own... to strength his spiritual immune system.
I see that the situation is sensitive because of your families' background. That makes it harder... but you still need to trust God, to plead the Blood over your children and trust that He'll protect them.
As for the Harry Potter thing... not worth leaving the church over. You said it all when you explained the youth of the youth pastor. He's a little green... and forgot to take parents into a account. Be firm but gentle with him.
Yes, Jesus is with us to the end of the age. Isn't that great!
Here's something the Lord's told me three times in two weeks... Don't disconnect from the Body, no matter how hard it is. There is no where better Satan would like to have us than on the run and alone. Even Elijah despaired when he went out alone, convinced himself he was the only one faithful to God left in all Israel. He wanted to die. I Kings 19
It is likely that this is an attack from Satan on your family. That's a good sign. Means he sees you and your children as threats. Means you are being productive in God's Kingdom.
Persevere!
And... having been at the church so long, you should be patiently guiding the newer leaders... I'm not saying your called to be a leader (I don't know how the Lord has you serving in the church). But here's an opportunity to exhort and encourage the youth pastor, you who may be more mature in the Lord, or at least have a more experienced perspective on nurturing children.
Romans 15:1-2 in The Message: "Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and
lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most
convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us
needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, 'How can I help?'"
The Lord guide you.
I think the previous comment was well said. This is a great time to have some indepth family discussions about both situations. God may eventually direct you to a new church, but He may not. Move wisely and slowly. Follow God, not your feelings.
Wise words above in both comments.....and use this as discussion between you and the kids...and don't talk about the church stuff in front of the kids...we have always tried to not do that with ours. when our son was 16 our youth guy (young, unmarried) had a guys overnight and showed an R rated movie....now we don't allow our 17 year olds to see R rated movies and we don't go anymore....so after jed got home and talked about the weekend, we called the youth guy and said...here is our problem, this is the rule in our home and you need to really think about this. it never happened again.
As to the restaurant....WOW. again....in our home we talk about why we do what we do and how everything affects us. you cannot do anything about what your children will see/do/hear/say when they turn 18 or even before when they are 'in the world'. we PRAY CONTINUALLY. even now my children are 24, 19 and 17 and pray for their protection of their minds, hearts, and spirits and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide them in every step. I know they have made some very unwise choices BUT i know Who is in control too....and Christ is their Redeemer....He will never ever ever give up on them. I am praying here dear one......
Well said comments. I agree that there needs to be some more family discussions. I'll be praying your son will have the ability to 'stand alone' in a situation such as the ones he has just experienced. I don't think you need to switch churches. I agree that your youth pastor needs to know where you stand.
I usually ask, in depth questions about what will be going on if I choose to send my children away from our home. If I have a child in my home, I make sure to ask the parents what is appropriate for thier children.
Praying for you!!
You've gotten some really good comments here! Stay calm. You do nobody any good by letting your feelings run roughshod--but I'm glad you shared exactly how you were feeling with us, rather than stuffing them. Your son is blessed to have come from a home with good boundaries that you and your husband put in place....please count your blessings for that! The fact that your son told you of his own take and conviction on the situation is most encouraging. I think he's asking how to handle like situations in the future. This is the perfect opportunity to teach him how to say no from conviction--without fear and without condemning others. You are so blessed to have a home where both parents have the same take on things but you must not become "angry" with others when they don't as of yet. A gentle word and a firm stand could be just the correction needed at this time for a young pastor who needs the wisdom of those older and wiser but for you to storm around and stomp off mad isn't likely to benefit anybody. You can't control everything--that's not your job but you can pray and commit you and your family to the one Who is control of everything, that He is with you always and will show you how to speak in love in regards to things that you see as compromising. Take a deep breath Gail, God is with you and will gently guide you as you guide your young. Love ya sweetie and praying for you in this situation~Dawne
I agree with much of what the young lady wrote in the first comment. But remember that not everything we go through that's uncomfortable is of satan. I think he gets a whole lot more credit than he should. There's much to consider and not a lot of space to consider it here. But I'm hoping God will show you...remember His STILL SMALL voice!!!! You gotta be still and quiet to hear it. Love ya!!
@betheelou - @DawneElla - @jans_corner - @roamingchile - @cerwindoris - @brokenbread - You all are so faithful, understanding, helpful and wise! I am very thankful for each one of you and the different perspectives! God has been working (of course!!!) and my heart is calmed. I want to have a clear head and heart regarding these issues and agree with you that we shouldn't leave the church over this, but lovingly help guide the younger leaders and potential leaders! Hubby and I will hopefully be able to schedule a casual meeting with the youth pastor. This guy really is a loveable person and I have, in the recent past, discussed another issue with him. He does seem to respect us and loves our kids. So, we don't want to blast him out of the water! We also agree that I do tend to be the overprotector (ChileGirl, I love what you said!) and want to slather the kids...Anyway, I really wish I could bear hug each one of you !! Much love, me You all are precious!
Oh ~ you have had some awesome, wise comments here girl.......I don't need to say anything.....(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
Hello, I saw that your name is Gail, like mine on Neeka1 site so I thought I stop in for a visit. I'm glad to see Godly Parents concern for their kids in the way you guys are. Again, great advice in the above comments. Use the Harry Potter as a "tool" in teaching your son about how satan will use such stuff as "bait" to drawn people into deeper cults....since he had seen it, use it to your advantage .....your son seems to be very grounded in Christ, he is honest in letting you know where they took him for dinner! That is great news...talk to these people; the youth pastor and the ones that took him to that resturant...if you like...but again use it as a teaching tool...and with the Word of the Lord against such things...the child will understand more now that he saw a couple things...we do all what we can for our children the rest we trust the Lord, and keep teaching our children the things of the Lord! Sounds to me you guys are doing fantastic job! Have a great week, love all the pictures on your site! PTL!
Gail
Gail,
Dare to shelter. Don't buy into the culture like many in the churches are doing. Please do not do that, not that you are doing that. : ) Please allow me to say you and your husband's feelings are very, very valid!!!
The Bible is very clear on the works of the flesh and carnality, lasciviousness and all the rest including witchcraft. Oh. my. goodness. Heaven forbid we would send our kids out into this stuff that God hates and think they will learn from it?
Do we look at a little pornography here and there too to learn from it? How about a little drug in our pipe too, let's learn from it. No! Better yet! How about a little drop of poison or excrement in our glass oftea?
The Bible clearly lists the works of the flesh and the destination is not a pretty one for Eternity. The Bible says to mortify the flesh.
What I see in so many is the fruits of the lukewarm church. God clearly says in Revelations He will spew the lukewarm out of His mouth.
We were leaders as well....and still are in certain aspects but not at our previous church we left because of this kind of thing. I could write a book, my husband is an ordained minister as well as a layperson, we're active in prolife causes, prison ministry and others as well as one of those "over protective" homeschool families that speaks at workshops scripturally encouraging others to "overprotect" too. ; )
Just talk to some of the young men in the prison, they will tell you exactly where Hooters and Harry Potter will get people, it's just the beginning. These young and older men know, they certainly don't play church in there, but they seem more free than many church goers I am seeing.
Just talk to the preacher's son who was addicted to pornography because of one look at a friend's house while "playing"...He will tell you about Hooters and what it does to a person.
You are VERY correct in being horrified and grieved!!! Do people not even blush anymore?!
Good grief.
We will know them by their fruits.
Come out from amongst them and be ye seperate.
You may especially enjoy a sermon I have on a previous pulse entitled, "Remember Lot's Wife"
You may ask where we attend church? We have homechurch now and when we are part of a Body we have to drive an hour. Some are driving over 2 hours to this particular church.
http://www.sermonindex.net is a great place for good sermons. Check out the Paul Washer sermon on one of my previous pulses as well....He and David Wilkerson and others will be found on sermonindex. My husband subscribes to their podcast as well, a great site.
Be encouraged!
The Remnant is not called the Remnant for nothing.
Much love and prayers to you dear one, take heart, you are not alone. Go with the Word, not the herd. The Emporor is naked! Be prepared to stand alone. Loneliness is simply God's knock....He will be with you, He is already there. : )
~Amelia
@thats_italian - Beautiful, Sister! I am reminded of a story/analogy about brownies made with excrement. Would we feed that to our kids?!?!? I appreciate the "lukewarm" reminder, also, and remember a recent sermon from our pastor about that. I certainly don't want to be lukewarm! I also continue to fight against the culture and refuse to lower my standards to meet the ones I seem to be surrounded with! This means I am nOT the most popular mom, but hey, I'm FINE with that! Thank you for the mini and the prayers! Love, GAil
@Gail2 - Thank you, "GAIL2"!!! You're right..."keep teaching our children the things of the Lord"...it's an awesome responsibility that sometimes, like these times, really weigh me down, especially when it seems I'm the only one fired up enough to want to take action! I look forward to a friendship with you! Love, GAil
@Neeka1 - Well, I ALWAYS will take a big hug!!! TAHNK YOU! Love, GAil
I agree with thats_italian. It's disgusting what passes for "Christian" these days. But don't feel alone. It seems every church I've ever attended--down to the most conservative--sees nothing wrong with almost any kind of movie you can name. I'm horrified that they think it's OK. The Bible clearly states that we have to be separate from the world... and that we cannot drink bitter and sweet water from the same well, nor can we serve two masters. Sadly, many believe they can attend church on Sunday and live like the devil the rest of the week.
As for leaving the church, that's something you and your husband will have to decide together, and I would say after the dust has settled, so you can think more clearly.
As a mom, you have every right to be upset.
@Richgem - @thats_italian - Gail, Amelia could not have said it better. Don't panic, because panic makes us do things that are not reasonable. But DO shelter. I am not sure how old your son is, but the younger he is, the more lasting effect those things will have on him.
My husband was addicted to porn because he saw it at an aunt's house when he was very young. It took a lot to break that addiction, but it was gone from our house before our kids were born. So then my son got into it by going to a neighbor's house. I was livid when I found out he was seeing this kind of stuff there.
We can't protect every minute....BUT GOD CAN!! When our kids go out driving without us, we can't protect them, eventhough we sure want to. But God knows their every need, and we just have to ask Him to take care of them. I have spent many, many hours praying that a precious friend's mind would be protected from all this stuff, too, because he is in the military. It's a bad lifestyle, as far as morals.
I think your friend was wrong in taking the kids to Hooters. Sit down and talk with her, and tell her your feelings, without anger (that will be hard!) Your son knew it was wrong, and told you, so he has been taught the right way...but it is extremely easy for a child that has been taught right, to fall into a lifestyle we do not want. Satan will try hard to drag him in that direction.
Sit down and talk with the youth director and the pastor. Tell him your concerns. If they are willing to see your side and change, then stay. But if they see nothing wrong, then I think it might be time to change churches. Our country is now full of churches who mirror the morals of the rest of the world. And like Amelia said, we are to be separate from that.
Don't feel like you are doing something wrong sheltering your kids. Teach them what is out there, but don't allow them to be a part of it. But if they are exposed to something like Hooters, just ask God to take those memories from them, and protect their minds.
And from now on, get ALL the details of planned activities before your children go. If it is an activity you feel they should not attend, explain it to them, so they don't feel like you just don't want them to go, for no good reason. They need to understand why the activity goes against what you believe.
@MsWrite2 - @SingingMom - It's so true that the Bible says we can't serve 2 masters or drink sweet and bitter water from the same well! We also do need to let the dust settle before we make a church decision. In the meantime, we need to schedule some visits with the friend and the pastors, and NOT let this slide. I have a calm determination to see this through. Hopefully, the pastors will understand and take positive action. If it looks like the same old, same old rolling along as usual, we'll have no choice but to leave. Ryan is 15 and very impressionable and I know I MUST trust the Lord to guard and protect him (and Brianne!), but I also need to be a responsible, sensible, caring parent and do what I can do! Keep us in your prayers as I know full well the battle has only begun! Love, GAil
I'm going to be praying. : ) Love to all, ~Amelia
I wish I could stop by and give you a hug, dear Gail. My heart hurts to hear what you have experienced. Right now I am thinking about the youth leader. He may apologize from his heart when you speak to him; it would be far better if the conviction was there - if he's a leader of youth!!!
We have planted trees over the years in our lawn. We have sheltered them so they grow strong and tall. There is a right time to remove the stakes from the trees. There is also a right time for more freedom for our children but please - shelter them for a season! Just as trees, they will then have a greater opportunity to be stronger for the winds and storms around them...after their roots are deepened. Prov. 22:6a counsels "Train them up in the way they should go." I appreciate so very much what that's italian has said and feel strongly about this. My heart has been burdened. I will be praying for you, your husband, and your son. Your sister-in-Christ, Cordy
@threejoys - Cordy, I love the trees analogy! I, too, wish you could stop by and give me a hug! I am so blessed to have so many caring, fabulous friends here and am glad you are one of them. This is a wonderful sisterhood! Love, GAil
RYC: I got it from the themes collection and then just edited the picture to one I liked better. Of course, it just HAD to be an ocean scene. LOL.
No you are NOT overreacting! I wanted to say that first before I sign off for the night as we just got home from the homeschool convention in Phoenix and I am tired...and i wanted to add that I could not agree with Amelia (thats Italian) more! God entrusted your children to YOU and YOUR husband...you know what is best for your family! Also on Sermon audio are sermons by Voddie Baucham...we just saw him at the convention this weekend and my oh my that man hits the nail on the head in regards to our children...look him up and listen to his sermons!
Love and prayers Gail!
Kel
@Kainos - Thanks for the affirmation, Kelly! I will look up Voddie! It's encouraging to know that so many people care! I just wish You all were here in person!!! Love, GAil
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