A Path to Walk On (or ride a bike if you have one, which I don’t)
Flowers for Mom, sent by her dearest, oldest firiend (91 year old friend)
Mom’s been so very emotional and loving as she sees what all we’re willing to do for her. She’s very appreciative and she’s drinking in all the love and attention. She also says some weird things, depending on what the meds do to her. I never dreamed I’d be in this situation with her and that includes cleaning up a mess that should have landed in the hospital style portapotty. I’ve seen her in a way that I haven’t seen her in since I was a child. And guess what, little old me? It wasn’t so traumatic after all, was it? We just forge ahead with a heart of determination and compassion and the ever-loving spirit of God.
I wish I could claim that my head is spinning with all the information I’ve absorbed with this cancer experience and hospice, etc. But no. I can actually claim that my brain is fried, my neck is stiff and sore, my left ear hurts back into my head and makes me think now that maybe I have a brain tumor. Silly me. Getting overtired and paranoid. That’s not very trusting, is it?
Tomorrow is a new day for more exhaustion and opportunities to eat too much of the wrong things, such as chips and brownies and ice cream. My reasonable side says, we’ll eat salad and tuna sandwiches on healthy, homemade oat bread, in between taking care of business with mom and an older sister who needs to be reinstated into the social security system. oy. And that’s just life with them.
Life at our house continues and it feels different. It’ll probably never feel like it used to because of mom and her cancer. It’s interesting how someone who shares your genes and gave you life and proceeds to go into the dying process can affect your entire being and existence….no matter where you are or where you go. The connection is never broken….like a cell phone call going into your ear and it never ever stops….and you don’t even have to keep talking.
SO many people have been very thoughtful with their words and actions to help me/us through this. When I say Thank You, those words sound so helpless, so NOT ENOUGH! I feel so little. No, wait. I feel so teeny and feeble. But then a surge of beautiful Someone, Jesus, comes through and reminds me that He is everything I need and that the Thank Yous ARE enough, because people who know me, know that I truly give thanks from every cell in my being.
Flowers for Mom, sent by her dearest, oldest firiend (91 year old friend)Mom’s been so very emotional and loving as she sees what all we’re willing to do for her. She’s very appreciative and she’s drinking in all the love and attention. She also says some weird things, depending on what the meds do to her. I never dreamed I’d be in this situation with her and that includes cleaning up a mess that should have landed in the hospital style portapotty. I’ve seen her in a way that I haven’t seen her in since I was a child. And guess what, little old me? It wasn’t so traumatic after all, was it? We just forge ahead with a heart of determination and compassion and the ever-loving spirit of God.I wish I could claim that my head is spinning with all the information I’ve absorbed with this cancer experience and hospice, etc. But no. I can actually claim that my brain is fried, my neck is stiff and sore, my left ear hurts back into my head and makes me think now that maybe I have a brain tumor. Silly me. Getting overtired and paranoid. That’s not very trusting, is it?Tomorrow is a new day for more exhaustion and opportunities to eat too much of the wrong things, such as chips and brownies and ice cream. My reasonable side says, we’ll eat salad and tuna sandwiches on healthy, homemade oat bread, in between taking care of business with mom and an older sister who needs to be reinstated into the social security system. oy. And that’s just life with them.Life at our house continues and it feels different. It’ll probably never feel like it used to because of mom and her cancer. It’s interesting how someone who shares your genes and gave you life and proceeds to go into the dying process can affect your entire being and existence….no matter where you are or where you go. The connection is never broken….like a cell phone call going into your ear and it never ever stops….and you don’t even have to keep talking.SO many people have been very thoughtful with their words and actions to help me/us through this. When I say Thank You, those words sound so helpless, so NOT ENOUGH! I feel so little. No, wait. I feel so teeny and feeble. But then a surge of beautiful Someone, Jesus, comes through and reminds me that He is everything I need and that the Thank Yous ARE enough, because people who know me, know that I truly give thanks from every cell in my being.
Comments (19)
Love the flowers — and I’m glad for an update on your mom — I’d wondered, but not wanted to ask how she’s doing. I found, too, that life feels different — and it will get more different as it continues on ~ ~ ~ I finally think I’m over the grief process, but now I think of my mom a lot more happily than I did before. The emotions (both yours and your mom’s) will continue to be strong and changable — my mom was never appreciative of the trips I made, or the things I did for her until she began slipping — and then she couldn’t say thank you strongly enough — those thank you’s are important. Keep on keeping on, Gail, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF too!!! That means taking those short walks, taking time to relax and enjoy that sandwich, and getting far enough away to just be (don’t know if you remember, but on that day with Mary and Jenny I walked away, not far, put the camera down, and spent just a very few minutes just watching the waves — it was SO curative for me!)! Hello to your kiddos and to Rich, too! (((hugs)))
@slmret - You can ask me anything, anytime! Those thank yous from mom are so meaningful…like she’s making up for old, thankless times.. I do remember our walk with Mary and Jenny and that you went alone for a bit. If I had known then what I know now (sigh). When I hugged you a final good-bye, I didn’t want to leave you. Like my spirit knew something.
I really hope Xanga stays, as I would really miss it. Your blog has always been one I have read, even if I don’t always comment. Blessings and prayers to you!
Oh my poor Gail, I am so sorry but so thankful you are doing so well in the Lord Jesus…I will sure be praying Gail. You can count on that. As you know, I’m away from xanga most of the time and xanga doesn’t send me my digests, for some strange reason they stopped sending me my subs several years ago. I’m sorry if I’ve missed anything important and it looks like I have. I’m so sorry.Love, Amelia
@buana - Hi Jill! Thank you for your encouragement! Please know that I care and I hope you pop on here now and then to let me know you’re still alive.
@thats_italian - Hello, Dearie! So much life has gone by but we’re still going on. Some days weak, and some days strong! I miss reading about your life and all your girls and the house and the doggies, etc. I haven’t posted on blogspot for awhile either! Thank you for letting me know you’re still out there! We’ll be in TX in Dec.!
My love to you Gail. Been keeping up a tiny bit on FB, but it doesn’t have that same full knowing that you can get from a blog. My heart goes out to you in this time. Lifting you up in prayer and in the Spirit. BIG big HUGS from me.
Oh, that was me ABAHM, Jenny. Didn’t realize I was still signed in on the youthgroup site. I was on it to do archives as it records so many years before I had my own blog. And though it has our youthleader, Jeff, as the blog owner. I wrote most of the blogs and put up pics…except when he had a special word or went on a trip.
@bot4aprice - Thank you for clearing that up for me, Jenny! Yes, the blog is easier to write in/on. Facebook makes me lazy. It’s convenient when I have my ADD kick in or have little time. Then, I leave it on and walk away and forget it’s on. I’ll come back and someone’s waiting in messaging for me to answer. Oy!
Good Evening Gail—Loved your opening. I have been many roads in my life—real and emotional.I sort of know what it is like with your mom since we helped with two aunts and a MIL. It is tough going even when they are nice. They become children in a way and we the parents.Jesus is always there for us—the Father loves us and those we assist late in life.I am 80 and trying to build an attitude for when my turn comes to be helped unless The Lord takes me quickly.frank
Praying for you and for your mom. My mom’s almost 96. I think she’s trying to outlive me. It’s nice of your mom’s friend to send her flowers. Cancer is a terrible thing. I’ve not had to deal with it in our family, thank God. My dad had Parkinson’s and died of pneumonia. He was in a nursing home, and near the end we called Hospice. They were so helpful.
@Richgem - Yes I’m still over at Blogspot at The Forest Cathedral. : ) Where will you be in Texas? Maybe you can copy and paste over at blogger too? That would be so nice to see updates on my blogroll there.
Your words, your journey, you, never fail to reach into my deepest core. Gently rearranging my own perspectives and comfort zones with your gentle spirit. Thank you for allowing your authentic soul to shine.
@WildWomanOfTheWest - If you meant to cause a few drops to spill from my mascara smeared eyelids, you’ve succeeded, my Dear favorite writer-photographer-cowgirl-gardener-dog lover, life-saver friend. Thank you from all over the place.
@HUMOR_ME_NOW - I imagine that being 80, you could draw a very busy map of your life journey and hopefully, when the end comes for you, people will be sad that you’re leaving. You always make me smile!
@ata_grandma - Wow, your mom’s almost 96? That’s amazing. Kind of like our 91 year old friend. We adore her! Thank you sincerely for your prayers. This past 2 weeks, I have never cried so much over and with mom. ever. Hospice is wonderful. We love mom’s nurse!
@thats_italian - We’ll be in Belton for our daughter’s graduation from University of Mary Hardin Baylor. We hope to be able to spend time in Austin to enjoy what we hear is really yummy food and meet with friends who live there. If we had time and money, I’d want us to go to San Antonio, too, but that looks doubtful. Maybe I can copy and paste my blog or just go back to elmbeetlehill. I’m not sure which would be easier. I do want to visit your “cathedral”! It’s been QUITE a while!!!! ( 8
You summed it up well. It seems that everything has changed and nothing will ever be the same. I’m still praying hard for your mama and for you and your family as you love on her. ((((big warm hugs))))
my gran was 96 when she passed away. we had cared for her on what sounds like the level of care you are providing for a month before she passed. if you need someone to talk to, please contact me. it’s definitely a unique situation when you nurse someone towards their step into another life rather than turning it over to someone else.