Month: August 2013

  • What Remains…

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    Dad told us on Saturday that the mailman delivered a box and mailman said “Did you lose a pet or something?” It’s a good thing I wasn’t there and the one to receive that box with a label/sticker that read “cremated remains”. I think I would’ve began crying and angrily scolded him for being a complete idiot because that was my mother’s body’s dust.

    A variety of frustrations continue after this loss. I know, it’s normal. Life could be worse.  I’ll finally write Thank You notes. This weekend I have a photo shoot to do; hallelujah, a paying one.  Maybe today, I’ll scare up some energy and do a little workout routine to begin my new NOW, Take Care of Gail stage. I wish Sues could’ve stayed longer; what a dear cousin. But, as much as I’d love to beg her to move here, her life is near Philly. At least she got an inside scoop on how things are here in Podunk.

    I have beautiful flowers and cards to look at.  I’m so thankful that I know so many wonderful people who reach out because they truly care. God bless every single one.

    Okay, time to get my sore hip out of this chair and DO something.

  • Through Sun and Rain

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    Sunflowers and butterflies are all over the place. I haven’t been able to capture the butterflies with my camera. They flit and fly around. They remind me of my mom and the blouse my sister dressed her in before “they” took her body away. The blouse had butterflies in it. As I stood by a bench down the street from mom and dad’s house, talking on my cellphone to my daughter who’s in Texas, a butterfly wafted by. RIGHT in front of me. It was as if God did that on purpose to give me some kind of comfort message not long after mom passed into heaven.

    This evening, a massive thunderstorm blew in over our little mountain town. The lightening was all over the place. Startling, riveting, scary and beautiful. The storm made me forget about the butterflies and sunflowers. My mind conjured up sadness, though I know the feeling~mood will not stay. I’ll probably lay awake in bed and think what I’ve been thinking every night now for awhile; how mom looked “near the end”, what we could’ve done differently, what is she doing right now, how is dad coping without her, etc.

    Please, God, let the sun be shining tomorrow. Please let my sister and I sing beautifully in our mom’s memorial service. Please help me hold my nerves and tears until I get home. And then, help me to just finally relax so I can have a good emptying kind of cry. I just want to be done and then carry on with whatever a new normal will be. No more sorrow. Please. Thank you.

  • The Beauty I See

    On Monday, August 12th, at 4:12 in the Arizona afternoon, mom’s spirit went to be with Jesus. My comfort is knowing that she is THERE and not floating around in nothingness. When I took this photo of her and Brianne, we didn’t know yet how serious her condition was. We knew that we needed to make the most of the time we had with her. So when Brianne came home in June to sing in her friend’s wedding, mom wanted to see Brianne in her almost 60 year old wedding gown. I wore the same gown 33 years ago. The sight of my daughter in that gown took my breath away. Mom’s eyes were teary. This was a special moment that I will never forget and it was only for mom, Brianne, me and hubby. Maybe Brianne will someday wear that gown, slightly altered, for her own wedding, and her “Mommom” will be smiling on her from the heavens. Oh, how I miss my mommy and my Briannie who is in Texas.