August 23, 2013
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Through Sun and Rain
Sunflowers and butterflies are all over the place. I haven’t been able to capture the butterflies with my camera. They flit and fly around. They remind me of my mom and the blouse my sister dressed her in before “they” took her body away. The blouse had butterflies in it. As I stood by a bench down the street from mom and dad’s house, talking on my cellphone to my daughter who’s in Texas, a butterfly wafted by. RIGHT in front of me. It was as if God did that on purpose to give me some kind of comfort message not long after mom passed into heaven.
This evening, a massive thunderstorm blew in over our little mountain town. The lightening was all over the place. Startling, riveting, scary and beautiful. The storm made me forget about the butterflies and sunflowers. My mind conjured up sadness, though I know the feeling~mood will not stay. I’ll probably lay awake in bed and think what I’ve been thinking every night now for awhile; how mom looked “near the end”, what we could’ve done differently, what is she doing right now, how is dad coping without her, etc.
Please, God, let the sun be shining tomorrow. Please let my sister and I sing beautifully in our mom’s memorial service. Please help me hold my nerves and tears until I get home. And then, help me to just finally relax so I can have a good emptying kind of cry. I just want to be done and then carry on with whatever a new normal will be. No more sorrow. Please. Thank you.
Comments (5)
All I can write Gail is ‘Amen’ to your heartfelt prayer.blessingsfrank
I hope the butterfly will become a good memory symbol for you, telling you that your mom is ok where she is. You’ll have those nighttime thoughts for a while — but know that you probably couldn’t have done anything differently. You were there for your mom, and that is what is important. Now you and your dad and your family are most important. Do what you can to help your dad cope, and he’ll get through it all. I hope today is a lovely day in Prescott, and am sure that your memorial will be beautiful! Thinking of you, Gail!
You have a beautiful family, together you’ll do the best you can and I’ll Amen to your prayer also. I wonder what you’ll sing, did your Mom request something special? I lost my oldest son to cancer 10 years ago, we spent the last four weeks of his life together, and although we never gave up hope he did instruct me as to what should and shouldn’t be done at his passing, he made it easier for us. I think your Mom did that for you too. Hugs and Blessings
It is a natural thing to feel sorrow for a loss so close. Allow it, don’t push it down or feel it’s inferior as a Christian to have it. Your mom was with you for your whole life until now. So allow yourself to feel the grief of losing her, mixed with the joy of knowing she’s with the Lord. And don’t allow anyone to make you feel you shouldn’t feel sorrow. (((hugs))) to you.
Sending you prayers love and big hugs