I perused through some of the xanga info from Xanga and saw that a guy named John is at the Xanga office in NYC. I’d love to see what’s behind that Xanga door and I wonder why he hasn’t posted since, like, last year. My doubts are inflamed. I hope “they” are really and truly working on things and not just flipping us off.

Life has become a little brighter lately. Our little house is getting new windows. Hubby and I won’t freeze in our little bedroom this Winter. Thank you, Jesus! That portion of the house was an add-on years ago and when hubby tore off the exterior in that corner, he discovered very poor-shoddy workmanship. So, he corrected that along with installing the doublepaned window. Two windows, in fact. A friend is coming this week to help install 4 more windows. Then, we’re finished with that project. Hallelujah!

A week ago, we got out for a little while and took a photostroll through one of our local parks. There is a creek that runs through there, although it’s been dry many times. I was thrilled to see water in it because water makes for prettier pictures. So do golden trees! After our jaunt, we returned home and I put together a fabulous dinner for us three, plus dad and sis. They LOVED coming over for a yummy, homecooked meal and we enjoyed each other’s company. I wish I could do that for them several times a week! Soon, we’ll be celebrating dad’s 83rd birthday. One thing that has happened since mom went to her heavenly home, is that dad and I have a sweet relationship. I am amazed that the frustration and anxiety and sometimes anger I felt toward him “before”, is completely gone. I love him dearly and he is a sweet old daddy and cuter than cute.

This picture is one I took on the day he and mom would’ve celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. He was pretty brave. He looked up to the sky and said “She’s up there” and kind of giggled (maybe to keep from breaking down crying) and then we were on our way.

So, I’m staying on here for awhile to write and post pictures and read what you, my handful of friends are up to. I have hopes that John (?) and the other mystery people at Xanga will truly come through for us and prove me wrong.

You are doing a terrible job here. I must say that. I feel so sorry for all the generous people who were duped into giving money to keep xanga alive and not only that, supposedly improved.  Several of my friends’ posts are blending in together. They are not separate like they used to be. Also, I’m getting junk from random strangers because of the published email address.  I’m beginning to wonder if Xanga has been hacked or given over to hoodlums of some sort. It certainly isn’t the wonderful place it used to be and this leaves a sick feeling in my soul. WHO ARE you? Who is in charge?????  You are not by the people, for the people, that’s for sure.

I told the doc the other day that even though I have joy in me, I need to find Happy and Fun! I cried a lot. I’m so tired of crying. I realize it’s healthy, cleansing. But the sadness….oy. Fortunately, I’m now on St. John’s Wort and a BComplex and an antibiotic for the sickness that permeated my body. The weather this morning is beautiful; sunny, NOT windy (YAY) and not freezing cold like the other day.  Now I feel hopeful for accomplishing what needs to be done around here, although I’m powerless to cut down the dead elm tree out front. I’m also powerless to fix the 2 dead cars out front. Also, I can’t hose insulation into the attic or go into the crawl space under the house to rig up more hose to the clothes dryer. I can only imagine how much lint has gone all over the place down there. And I can’t buy and replace the 50 year old windows or go into the storage shed and dismantle the 8 foot high stack of boxes. Those are the Biggies. I have to focus on the Little things, because it’s much easier for me. The Biggies are up to the Man of the House to get done. He says he will. That has been his “mantra” for a long time and I leave him alone with it. And when  nothing changes and I go inward, I ask God, “Why does everything have to be so hard for us?”  The answer, I believe, is that He simply wants me to need to be in His spirit, listening to His heartbeat.

Oy. Please restrain me, dear God from complaining. Okay, here we go. Thank you God for allowing me to have Bronchitis AND for a spot on my spine to give me such pain.   Thank you for knowing that I needed a break from grief and busyness. I just didn’t really want to be DOWN in physical pain.  Thank you for reminding me that you love me intimately and speak to me through the pain, showing me how much bigger MERCY for OTHERS is! Thank you for who you use to clip the wings off of my flippant attitude…again. Thank you for shining light on what is most important; not the political or spiritual arguments, not WHEN are we EVER going to fix the front yard, not WHY is OUR house the one with the dead car/flat tire out front, not HOW soon can I get to the city to find new jeans that will fit me right, not blah, blah, blah~You are so loving and patient with me and I want to share that with everyone.  And thank you for the chiropractor who will hopefully be able to help me because the pain feels like the fire in that flower in the high desert.