I play with food, paintbrushes, photographing children, (notice the “Sunday-go-to Meetin’ bag that April inanorchard made!), my newest babygrand’s chubby cheeks… and here I am, in all my chubbetteness sitting with our oldest Grandson at his first ever major league baseball game for my hubby’s birthday. Play time is proving to be MORE important as life gets busier with all the heavy loads, the tediousness, the tough details, the complicated decisions, the everyone leaning on US, the body changes and challenges, the people in the ‘hood issues, the anger and disrespect out there, the blatant lying and narssicism, the increased prices, blah, blah, blah. I have to avoid looking at the mainstream news!!!!  I have been weary and heavy laden these past few days as the parent’s move has taken quite a toll. But, thankfully, I declared a day off (today) and went to a Bowenwork therapy session. It’s been months since the last visit. My therapist said I was wound tight as a ball of yarn.  Her treatment did wonders and I feel stretched and put back together the way I was meant to be.  Now I feel ready to play again and not stress over what all work needs to be accomplished tomorrow!  “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest.” Such a great assurance from God!

Aaaaaah, this life is gonna kill me. (there is a little smirk on my face). With the help of family and friends, we got my parents and sister moved from their house in Buckeye, AZ up to their new, rental patiohome in our town, 5 minutes from our house. Hubby has been a real trooper, plowing through all the work, missing his naptime, seeing/feeling his blood pressure and pulse go up and his bad knee flare up. He has maintained a good natured demeanor, which is vital now that the  rest of the work is up to us and all the helpers are long gone! I’m so pleased with how well this man has come through, not just for my parents but ultimately for me. This is honoring. Tomorrow is his 55th birthday and I just hope he knows how special he is, even if I don’t always tell him. I think I’ll just go and sit next to him and run my fingers through his hair. He loves that. (another little smirk. No, a smile!)

So much LIFE swirling around in my head means that I eat myself into, well, not oblivion, but a spot near the kitchen. Specifically my desk. I take photos, put them magically into the computer (i knoooow, that’s NOT a very technological term), edit the photos, admire some of them, wish I’d done a better job over others, eat, read e-mails, eat, read a bit of InYourFacebook, eat, throw clothes into the washing machine, do some dishes, run errands that have to do with getting my parents and older sis moved here to Podunk, go to the big city with hubby for his Dr. appointment to see if his Graves disease is a hopeless case (seems to be sometimes), come home, eat, get up and babysit Grandwonders,  go outside and sniff some pretty awesome Autumn air, come in and sit back down in my chair and dream about how life would be if I was in charge of everything. And then POW. SOMEbody (you all know who you are), posts SOMEthing that stabs my heart and I find myself emotionally falling out of my chair and groping around on the floor for the pieces of my heart that you have stabbed with the words and photos that I actually NEEDED to see. Thank you (all) so very much for getting on here and posting what you do because you remind me that there is hope. There IS life. There IS LOVE. There IS someONE ALways there. And all of that is waaaay beyond me and my little chair at the little white desk by the kitchen with  my little food and my big feelings. I love you all SO much!

So much LIFE swirling around in my head means that I eat myself into, well, not oblivion, but a spot near the kitchen. Specifically my desk. I take photos, put them magically into the computer (i knoooow, that’s NOT a very technological term), edit the photos, admire some of them, wish I’d done a better job over others, eat, read e-mails, eat, read a bit of InYourFacebook, eat, throw clothes into the washing machine, do some dishes, run errands that have to do with getting my parents and older sis moved here to Podunk, go to the big city with hubby for his Dr. appointment to see if his Graves disease is a hopeless case (seems to be sometimes), come home, eat, get up and babysit Grandwonders,  go outside and sniff some pretty awesome Autumn air, come in and sit back down in my chair and dream about how life would be if I was in charge of everything. And then POW. SOMEbody (you all know who you are), posts SOMEthing that stabs my heart and I find myself emotionally falling out of my chair and groping around on the floor for the pieces of my heart that you have stabbed with the words and photos that I actually NEEDED to see. Thank you (all) so very much for getting on here and posting what you do because you remind me that there is hope. There IS life. There IS LOVE. There IS someONE ALways there. And all of that is waaaay beyond me and my little chair at the little white desk by the kitchen with  my little food and my big feelings. I love you all SO much!

My son, his son.

More “moments” to come.

I didn’t want to impose upon his mommy, who was sitting on the sofa holding him, in a dimly lit room. And I didn’t have my tripod. Bummer. So, this is a fuzzy, quick, side view of the Fifth Wonder: 9lb. 4oz. Brendan Thomas. He is pretty smoochy looking and I canNOT wait to be allowed to hold him! My hubby (they call him P.pa) and I had the other 4 from 10:30 a.m. yesterday ’til 2:30 today. P.pa and I are exhausted, but I won’t get whiney about that because the childrens’ mommy and daddy are also exhausted. No contest needed! This coming week, I will go over and visit with flowers and gifts and hopefully be able to snuggle with that new lump of butter!

I love to meet new people. Or, better said, meet people, like for the very first time. Because really, people are pretty well NOT new when you meet them. Babies fresh out of the womb are new. THOSE are my favorite kinds of people! Very, very soon, I will get to know and hold my 5th Grandwonder. I wonder what he will BE like, sound like, LOOK like, smell like…face up, face down. The pictured flower is upside down. The rightside up form is/was beautiful. Familiar, if you know flowers. I flipped it over to have another perspective and was deLIGHTed to see the beauty underneath. In fact, I liked the underneath beauty even better. It’s what’s hidden from the ravages of the world, the environment, the influences, that I want to expose and see. What is it really all about? What are you really about? What makes you beautiful underneath? What are you afraid others might see and not like? I have met and seen some of you IRL (In Real Life) and I know that you truly are beautiful. For that, my life is richer and more beauty-filled, like a garden with many varieties of flowers. As a Grammy, my garden is filling with those little Wonders. What a B.L.E.S.S.I.N.G.

and I now have a few good senior year shots of my red-haired boy. Poor thing was having stomach problems but we prevailed. This “Photo-Shoot” made my day. I LOoooOOOOoooove taking photos!

           Before the photo was shot, I felt my husband’s fingers scoot my brastrap in under my sleeveless dress. That teeny little gesture felt special to me. Why? He NOICED! I need for him to notice things, to notice me. However, for the above photo, he did not notice and the pink strap was showing. Really, I know…this is a trivial thing. But I didn’t know how trivial until we were seated at the wedding we were attending. Due to a medical emergency, an important family member barely made it through the ceremony and photos Later, we were told she would be fine. My concern was great. “That could be me…” I thought. God has been been sending me obvious messages for oh, 2 years. Sometimes I listen and act; doing what needs to be done to be healthier and closer to Him. Then I slack, usually because of other people and events carrying me away to a level of upheaval. Then came the wedding of last night. SO many emotions, genuine feelings. The teeny, seemingly trivial ones and the big, expected ones. They all came from the same place within me. At the deepest place of my being is the realization that only my Creator can, does and will love me more and better than any human being. He notices me and nurtures me. While I’m here on this earth, I must pass that message along to you…He loves you! He wants us to take care of ourselves and love each other! He wants us to communicate with Him. I look forward to being with Him with more anticipation than ever

What a nice thing….coming up out of a funk. My mom used to go into those ALL the time and she’d say, “I’m in a blue funk.” Well, I never liked the sound of that and I didn’t think I’d ever have that problem, although I did tend to get depressed and have mini nervous breakdowns. It’s perfectly human to go down the drain and feel like you’ve ended up in the waterways, floating along to somewhere and not knowing where! To keep this as short as possible, I’d like to thank those of you who knew that I was struggling and prayed for me. The stuggle may not be completely over, but, I FELT those prayers at a specific time of day. And that is exactly when things shifted for the better. All I ever wanted was to live sort of a fairytale life but only the good parts. I wanted to be the happy ending cinderella, not the ever-scrubbing, mistreated, disrespected, misunderstood and misquoted one. There’s more fairytale desires but I’ll leave that out for now.  ANYway, as I look through my Bermuda photos, I am encouraged and reminded that there will always be a place for me that is God designed. What could be better than that!??? So, I’m hangin’ in, hangin’ on. I’ve been given some blessings and today, I laughed alot. Now, I get to eat a couple of Richy Rich’s Dream Cookies. Hubby hasn’t made these in a Loooong time. So, yum.

Once upon a time, like 2 years ago or so, I posted a photo of a different desk with alot more “stuff” on it. The desk is still there and has been taken over by the fax, copy machine and my nice things have been moved. This little white desk next to the kitchen is my spot and I share it with the family and sometimes their friends. I have just prettied it up with my things. I removed the dust, germs and corded Sony things. I also removed a plastic container full of disks because it just didn’t fit in this tidied up blog space. Before this, it was just icky and plain. I was hit by inspiration after looking at the Where I Blog posts. Now, we shall see how long this lasts, since I am NOT a Sargeant in control here. And yes, I ate a donut (2, actually) with a little yellow plastic child’s fork. The donut is on a plate so as not to dirty the charming, bright towel from Cindy.  I like to take really good care of things, to make them last. It’s not like you can just run out and get another one. Anyway, this space is where I do alot of thinking, praying, laughing, crying, reading, looking and of course, writing/typing. It’s much better looking now. Plain white with a stack of cdzzz and a layer of dust was not conducive to inspiration, let me tell ya!

    Someday, maybe we can go back. And IF we do, we will fly to Hamilton and get a better feel for the island and spend alot more time on the beach! It’s a GORgeous place and because we did the cruise with other people who were “in charge”, we didn’t see much of Bermuda. Still, I AM glad we went. And I do have more photos to put on here, if you can stand it!

God extended His extraordinary goodness to me recently, not only by allowing everything to come together for Hubby and I to go away on a cruise to Bermuda with my sister and her Hub and my 2 cousins and their Hubs, HE also allowed me to meet dear, dear Cindy (down_onthefarm). That girl drove a good couple of hours in dreary PA weather to meet me at a mall near where my cousins live. We agreed on Starbucks. Hubby was with with me (only for a bit) and when we walked into Starbucks, I didn’t see anyone remotely looking like Cindy. Then from behind, out in the mall, I heard my name called. I turned, and there she was. We ran to each other and had a good greeting hug and then had a wonderful visit, sipping our drinks and sharing life, the hard parts and the good parts. The meaning of GOODNESS to Cindy. That oh, so meaningful verse…”I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” (Psalm 27:13)  Thank you, Cindy, for bringing that verse alive to me! Today, I am reeling after a very unpleasant confrontation between Hubby and my in denial neighbor lady who just wants to attack us and not see what damage she is doing and allowing her kids to do. This loud situation at our front door was something unexpected and unsettling, but we know we are not wrong. These people have attacked before and I attempted to speak calmly and lovingly to this gal and to her eldest son. Sheesh! This is NOT the stuff I wanted to come home to, along with other “stuff”, but you know…..this episode and the other “stuff” has been GOOD, along with good grief for Hubby and I. We feel more like a team with the loving and the dealing with the struggle together. THAT IS what I needed. But it just kind of hurts to get that in this form. Yep, it bumps me alright! Kind of makes me want to pack up and go away again. Or, preferably, move. But it seems that no matter where you go, another human will drive you nuts. And or hurt you deeply. I’ve heard the Drop the Toxic People message. I’ve heard the RUN message. I’ve heard the Stay and Stick It OUT message, that the difficult people are What and Who God uses to scrape the ickiness off of us to turn us into a vision of beauty. Now to the photos. You can see who the beauty is. And she is, inside, too. I’m all slimy sweaty chubby with hair that hates humidity. But. I AM so happy to be there, acquainting myself with this Xanga friend who shared the Goodness and the Good Grief with me. I am so blessed!

My Dears, if y’all would like to own a chunk of the desert near Rio Verde, AZ. near Carefree, let me know! My hubby and his 3 brothers inherited their parents’ 5 acres of beautiful desert land and they need to sell it. There are big, fancy horse ranches nearby, along with beautiful homes, the pretty little communities of Rio Verde and Carefree. North Scottsdale is only a half hour drive away. It’s a beautiful area! So, if you need your space, this IS the place!

The sunset at my nephew’s recent wedding was gorgeous. So calm. You look at it and see a fabulous warmth that brings out the dark beauty of this side of the Saguaro cactus. This was a peaceful moment after a slightly disastrous one that you can’t see here. You didn’t see my mom and dad fall off a step and hit the pavement, causing gasps from everyone and sudden action to stop facial bleeding, swelling, tears from loved ones who didn’t know how serious this was. You didn’t see the horror on our faces. You didn’t feel my heart jumping in my chest or see the tears in my eyes or the shaking in my entire body. You didn’t get to see the eventual calm that came over all of us when after being examined by a wedding guest paramedic, my mom and dad were escorted into the reception area. You didn’t see the calm that came into my heart as I knew they would be okay.  The calm was there the next morning, Mother’s Day when my mom cried as she received my gifts. You didn’t see that, either. I will never EVer forget it. That kind of calm, peace is available to anyone who asks for it. Even when you don’t. You just have to know HIM, See Him. He’s simply right here.

Recently, my red haired boy turned 17. Two days later, he hiked the Grand Canyon, down and out the same day. I was a bit of a wreck, which shows I am STILL struggling with fully trusting God with my lovies. Ryan and a bunch of guys went as a group. My Hubby, BLESS his heart, suggested that he and I drive up to the canyon to see Ryan and friends come out. I am glad we did, although it was nerve-wracking to sit and wait and watch the switchback trail through my camera lens, just hoping to catch a glimpse of that very alive red hair! Can you iMAGine my excitement when THERE! THERE was that red head and his best buddy Dylan! I yelled and cheered and just for the fun of it, yelled “MOMmy’s here!!!!!!” (I think he was a bit mortified).  Isn’t God wonderful to allow my son to take on the canyon, almost exactly 1 year after his Dad hiked it successfully? This hike proved to me and to Hubby and to Ryan that when you prepare for a huge task and then take it ON, it can be completed. If nothing else, at least go and give it your best shot! As for the will and strength needed, this verse sums it all up… “I can do ALL things through CHRIST who gives me strength”.   YAY!!!

When I am afraid, He understands.

I doubt, He understands.

I run away, He understands.

I come back, He understands.

I unload my words, He gives me His.

I give Him my heart, He heals it.

I stomp my feet, He washes them.

I scream in my pillow, He puts my face to His chest.

I slam the door, He opens another.

I curse and complain, He says Love your brother.

Because I’d be vain, He gave me a scar.

When I’m exhausted, He took to the wood.

When I forgot Him, He understood. 

* Written by me, Gail McNeeley *

This is a little something I have sitting on a shelf. I love little old books and funky ribbon and flowers. Just simple things to pop a little bit of happy into my day.  There are people in my life who pop alot of happy into my day. And there are those who don’t. But they’re there for a reason. My Dad told me twice that we’re here to suffer. I actually, fully believed him. Then I realized by studying what’s written in the Bible that we also have reasons to rejoice in life, and it’s my personal job to look for the rejoicing moments. I do know that now, he’d agree with that. But, SHEESH, the work it takes to undo a difficult, heart wrenching belief! Today, as I work through a challenging thing in my heart, I am mulling over a verse in Colossians…Put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving one another….I will take off that icky robe of selfish impatience and aggravation and put on the robe of the sweetness of Jesus and pop alot of happy into someone else’s life.

The other evening, Hubby and I were going along and I was inwardly having fits because the sky was CuhRAYzy with color and I wanted SO badly to just take the time to pull over and take some decent photos. But no, we didn’t get to take time. Time took US. So, I snapped away anyway and this is my drive – by of the flag at a local car dealership. I just love how the sun shines behind it. Then just as quickly as I shot this, the sun dropped down and that was that.

“I will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you”….God

He said it, I believe it, I accept it, I am promised eternal life through knowing Jesus Christ. Nobody can take that away from me. I look forward to heaven and I also dread what’s coming for those who don’t know or believe the truth. I’ve always been a skeptical person, but in this everlasting life or eternal death issue, I am not a skeptic. I love His promise!