Let me just start typing. It is SO true that when you live in a bubble and then it is burst, you can either have a big tizzy or you can  land gracefully, pick back up and commit your way to God. Usually, I struggle with wanting to be the best wife and mother and whatever other role I am supposed to be in. I didn’t really think that was a pride thing. Just wanted to be better “at it”, to make myself feel  like I was doing okay or better than okay, so that everyone in my bubble would feel happy about me being in it, too. Ha! Sounds like a pride thing after all, huh? Yeah, but I didn’t really get it ’til I was sitting at my friend’s 50th birthday party where over 50 of her friends of all ages were in attendance. Heaps of praise came upon her. Fabulous stories, hilarious stories of adventure, mischief, kindness…She has LIVED and has been so generous and gracious to SO many people. She accepts EVeryone. You’re fat? No problem. Ugly? Low income? She scoops you right in along with the cosmetically altered, beautiful rich lady. Why?  I don’t know. I wondered to myself why I couldn’t be like her. Why have I wasted so much of my life in my little place, controlled by fear and my idea of friendship and acceptance? I don’t know.

The next day was my birthday. I knew there would be no party and hubby, who normally would bake a fantastic cake, was glad I opted to go to the valley, instead of staying home waiting for a birthday cake and maybe, miraculously, a phone call from mom. Here’s where it gets good. A sample of unbelievable random kindness from a stranger. My main desire was to eat breakfast at Butterfields. My hubby’s main desire was to meet an internet Christian blogger named Jeff, who had e-mailed saying he’d be eating….breakfast at Butterfields! He was from another state. Here was an opportunity for my hubby to meet someone he already admired and respected in the Internet world. So, we met Jeff and his 2 buddies and we all ate breakfast together. They were surprised that though it was my birthday, I was willing to eat breakfast with them. We all got along famously and had SUCH a good time. Amazingly, one of them (Dave) sneakily paid for EVeryone’s breakfast! I was STUNNED. We had just met one hour before. Can you spell G E N E R O U S? He was humble about it and I bet he didn’t go blabbing, all puffed up about it later! So that was the beginning of my great birthday. Our new friends were looking forward to attending a Spring Training baseball game and I was looking forward to using my Nordstrom gift card and having dinner later with friends at Cheescake Factory. None of my family called to ask what I was doing or where I’d be for my Bday, and they never come up to our town to see me, so I have “adopted” friends to be my famiily. They are sweet, wonderful people who, like my now 50 year old friend, and obviously our new friends from OK, love and accept everybody who comes along needing a friend. At dinner, our friends met us and gave me a gift: a framed photo…one of my own favorites that I shot at Laguna Beach last year. I was so excited! Isn’t that thoughtful? When it was time to leave for the 2 hour drive home, I was a bit sad. I had plenty of time to think. What do I need to do to change? Change for the simple reason that this is who Jesus is through me, with no agenda, no demands, no doubt, no worldly ideals, no self torture? Why can’t I be like THAT person or THAT person??? Why do fear and selfishness and pride keep me sealed in this bubble? Oh, and then there’s the panic that I must make this change YESterday. Time is running out and I haven’t DONE anything, I haven’t BEEN anywhere; I haven’t lived! Somebody better please pop this bubble and let me out. Let me out of my way and into God’s way…Help me, Jesus!

After many attempts to catch the man in the moon, I managed to catch the tree instead. I do like how mysterious this looks. Have you ever really, really, REAlly wanted something SO badly and you did everything in your power to get it? The result, sometimes, is that your efforts are thwarted. Yes, THWARTED. You can get angry or sad or depressed and give up. Or you figure it was fun trying and you simply go about the business of living and don’t let the thwarted efforts get you all discombooberated. I’ve done both. These days, I am better at accepting what comes. Getting all riled up and saying “Oh, forget it” isn’t the right way to go for me.  Making the most of what you have or what you’ve attempted is better and then taking the time to learn how to do it better is worth the time! Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. My moon shot is NOT what I wanted it to be. I wanted my camera to catch that “man”. Because I’m not educated enough in the use of my Nikon, the detail that my lens focused on were lost inside of that camera. HowEVer,,,,,this shot makes me happy. It’s like a simple little AaaaHA! A gift. Certainly, a surprise. A YAY moment. Thank you God!

Here’s the New “Do”!  For now, anyway. I’m happy! Loved the new place and the new stylist, but NOT the new price! Yikes! This was D eF in AtE Ly  a treat! Happy Friday everyone. I hope you know and believe there is always hope in no matter what circumstances you are in. I HOPE to convey that message to a dear friend who has split from her husband recently and just finally got up the No Tears gumption to tell  me. I am so sad for her as I see and hear her heart break. I want my hugs to be Jesus-comforting hugs for her. She has turned to me for a reason. I pray, “Please, Lord, let me only be a comfort and a loving, helpful friend.”

This is a time when something happy and encouraging needs to happen and or be spoken…because so much strife is going on around the world. On a regular basis I communicate with God. I mentally open my heart and thank Him for all that He is and all that He does. Even when “all” means pain. EsPECially when “all” means delight. Oh, I’ve had plenty of concerns lately (again). Not everything is hunky dory but I know that there is a PEACE that is greater than my little heart can fathom. But my heart DOES believe. Therefore, I am calm. Trusting. Waiting for an answer. An answer that I can handle with His help. Don’t we all want that? ( 8

Today, Hubby had to take his restorative nap (details on why, later) before we could go out again. He is such a trooper. I am on a search for a working fountain in which to use as a backdrop for a photo shoot next Saturday. NONE of the fountains in our town were on. I am trusting God to provide a working one. In the meantime, I also was on a quest this week to find a new hairstylist. Actually, I’ve wanted a new one for the past year or two but just now decided to seriously pursue that desire, again, trusting God to take care of it for me. This is a subject that rankles (LOVE that word) some dear friends of mine. Ya know, trust God to make something happen…KNOW that He will provide if you JUST ask, blah, blah, blah. And then He doesn’t come through. Or, at least it SEEMS He doesn’t come through. I know, I was there, once upon a time. Still am, sometimes. So anyway, we’re driving around looking for fountains and I told my Hub to please go over to that main road and turn right where the new little office buildings are. He did. No fountain. But oo-oo-oo, LOOK! A NEW salon! An open door! On a SATURDAY? Hubby parked after I asked if I could just real quick see if they’re really open. (He already knew of my desire to find a new hair person.) Not ONly were they “kind of” open, the little gal I spoke with happened to be willing to answer my questions, look through my hair and, of course, make me the appointment I wanted. She was visibly moved, excited, when I told her how I ended up there. I’m sure this was a GOD thing. So, I’m all set for Thursday in a great,spacious salon with a genuinely charming, young hairstylist who knows exactly what I want and need for my hair/self-esteem. I still don’t have a fountain, but I know something will work out. Like, the weather will significantly warm up and ALL of the fountain caretakers will get them bubbling!

Another pleasant surprise that happened this week is God brought a new friend into my life. Her name is Lisa. She’s from Wisconsin. Her daughter will live with us this summer and is friends with my daughter. The girls met at college. I had hoped that the Mom and I would “hit it off” and well, we DID! We were both thrilled to have several things in common, including our March birthdays. We had SUCH a fun visit on Tuesday, I hated to say good-bye! But we will see each other again.

Isn’t it great when little, fun surprises happen? This isn’t all. There have been more. Well, like getting the shots I did this afternoon. I FINally got a duck I’m happy with! Woo-hoo! But wait. The fact that I’ve been functioning while my daughter has been in Texas since Thursday is great. I’ve been coping with my Hubby’s newly diagnosed hyperthyroid…waiting for scan results…hoping that a safe medication is all he needs. He gets so wiped out exhausted, just like I did last summer. (Thus, the naps.) Only, thankfully, no chest pain. Just a racing heart that is being tamed with a beta blocker. This is the stuff that belongs to OLD people, isn’t it?

Pleasant surprises are essential to the well-being of just about everyone I know. May you be blessed by at least one this next week!

I will be writing ’til I’m blue in the fingers.  I will be thin. I will be smarter. I will be pretty. I will be faster. I will be energetic. I will be unselfish. I will be caring. I will be vibrant like the colors in this cloudy, fuzzy, snapped on the run sunset. I will be limber. I will be, I will be, I will be. Resting in the One who says He is “I AM”. That is what I am doing right now. Resting in him.

And so, life goes on. After snowstorms, churchy business storms, a Baby shower, sickness for my son, daughter-in-love and all 4 grands, I see the blessings. There are 2 things I’d LOVE to see happen, but that is for God to work out, because there’s only so much I can do. For now, I do what I am meant to do and what I feel my soul pulling me to do. Does this sound repetative? Like I’ve written something similar before? I don’t read back on my posts, but I’m thinking deja vu.  Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well and living each moment like it’s going to be the first day of the rest of your life. 

…now and forever more…

Well, now. Because we are humans living on this earth, we only get bits and pieces of peace intermingled with the upheavals of life, depending sometimes on the choices you’ve made or are making. Also, depending on what the people around you are doing, you can have peace and upheavals, sometimes utter chaos and grief.

Recently, I felt like my life was at a (DARE I say it?) teeny bit of a boring place. I met with a friend after sensing that God told me to call her (she’s exTREMEly busy) and ask to meet. She was available the very next hour. UN believable! (not, ‘cuz God was in this)! We met at her sister’s bakery and I just sort of unloaded the latest chapter of my heart. Her sister joined us in the little cozy seating area after closing shop. After I said, “I just feel STUCK”, dear little bakery sister piped up and exclaimed “WELL, we’ll just have to unstick you!” they both said they’d pray for me, and wow, things have been rolling right along since then. And God is truly in it all. There is an underlying peace, under and through all of it. In spite of a couple of unsettling events this past week, I saw God work His wonderful, mysterious magic.

I sat in a courtroom an hour away from home to wait for the questions that are asked to see if I qualified for jury duty. After the judge stated that the case was about child sex abuse, my heart nearly came out of my mouth. I will spare you the details. What I want you to know is that God raised my hand up and coaxed the necessary words out of my mouth. He held me together as I began to tremble with deep seated emotion that I had attempted to keep locked in the Stay Stoic room. My eyes blurred with tears as I spoke in a soft voice while the crowded room waited in a death silence: “This would be too difficult for me”.  The very kind lady judge excused me and I, number 8 in the first group of many potential jurors, quickly walked out and headed for the nearby restroom. I knew God was holding me. I knew He allowed this experience for several reasons, the main one being that right then and there, I needed to pray for my brother in his prison. I then went downstairs and felt like every person’s eyeballs were staring through me, just as the defendant’s scary black eyes had in that courtroom. I could not WAIT to get out of there! Thankfully, Hubby sat waiting for me, like a knight in shining armor. As soon as I told him what the case was about, he kicked into loving, caring gear and asked if I wanted to go to Sedona.

Actually, I wanted to just go home and have a good cry. But, I felt, again, that God was in this and I should go along with Hubby. I am SO glad we went. Even though the sky was grey, we had a great time. My camera is such a fabulous tool for working through emotions and I snapped away like a crazy girl!

Since then, life has continued to be very interesting and I am not bored. I have peace, I am busy, and I am being held. Just as you are loved, I am loved also. God is IN it!

My son called me one day last week….asked how I was and how things were going. I blathered on about my little life and my headache and Pilates class. Poor guy opens a can and I spill everything out. He’s always been such a caring guy and a good listener to boot. Even though I was definately in the Mother Role when he was growing up, I felt like he was my little buddy.

During the phone call, I did have the decency to pause and give him a chance to talk because I really do care SO very much about what’s going on with him.

He mentioned something about baby number 5. A fifth child. Feeling stressed. Needing to believe that everything would be okay and God will provide. I mentally picked myself up off the floor and found myself encouraging him, which encouraged me! I thought of all my friends who’ve had “large” families. Not one has shot anybody. A little crazy at times ( maybe?) but all in all, God DOES give us what we need and then some!

So, hallelujah, another precious being will hopefully come into our family around…Labor Day!

  Morning sky is so pretty. I rarely see it, so this morning was the Early Bird Surprise for the people in my house who normally don’t know me to get out of bed before they do. My stomach was begging for a break of the fast. I indulged. Then I got busy.  My kitchen is so very neat and tidy right now and when Hubby saw it, he said, “It’s NEVER this clean”! Whaaaaat? Of course, it’s been clean (THIS clean) before. It’s just been so long that he’s forgotten what THIS clean LOOKS like. So here. And then, my mantle dressed up for the new year, new growth and all. (Wow, I’m on a ROLL today!)

Inspiration is quickened when the soul is awakened.

Night time is when I am supposed to be sleeping. Common belief is that a gal my age should be getting a solid (I wish) 8 hours of sleep. Obviously, my body doesn’t meld with common belief. While I am physically resting in bed and everything/one is quiet, my mind kicks into gear. OH I can do this and that and scrub this and paint that and move this piece of furniture and that mirror can go THERE and those little gizmos can be put away and oh, I wish So and So would just admit he’s wrong and if ONLY that gal would hear me out she’d understand the whole picture and I’d move mom and dad up here in a New York minute and oh, yes, my little friend’s baby shower plans need to be planned and I must study that particular photo concept she wants done for the baby and what’s going to be for dinner tomorrow and I need to call the dentist and gosh that mammo hurt thist time and let’s see if I can pull off putting a row of fake mushrooms on the fireplace mantle and oh, Lord please help those people who have just lost loved ones and you, You my Comforter and King are amazingly full of grace and mercy and I am blessed to be able to come to you in all my pitiful non-glory and thank you for your forgiveness and love and understanding and……..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Day time. I’ve not met the 8 hour quota, I’ve forgotten some of the most creative ideas and thoughts, I’m feeling a tad droopy. The sun is not shining, the dreary clouds are hovering over our smoky smelling little town, it’s nipping cold outside and I am tugging at my brain cells to give me a clue as to what to do. —pause—

Move! Focus! Laugh! (At least look in a mirror and smile.) God will give me exactly what I need for today and I trust that my inspiration will quicken as I awake.

Clinging to the Rock…Never let yourself be driven by the ridiculous expectations of people who have no idea of what it’s like to live and walk in your shoes. Cling to what you know is the truth and seek guidance in the Word of truth. Fortunately, there are also amazing books and blogs that have been written by people who’ve obviously been blessed with understanding the knowledge they acquired. I recently posted a little blip that was inspirational to me; something from the book Captivating and it was completely destroyed by a friend who not only hadn’t read the book, but also made a disgusting remark. The frustration I felt after that was all consuming but not for long. I simply had to let it go, although I’m not the exactly the queen of letting go! I did question myself for awhile, wondering where my place in this blog world is. Photography? There are so many photographers who are FAR better than I. Creative Writing? Ahahahaha, gimme a minute to compose myself. Biblical scholar? Yikes, I am definately not qualified, though I DID go to Bible college and read the whole Bible a couple of times and went to numerous studies and a few retreats and oh YEAH, my dad was a pastor and missionary. Nope, not good enough. Parenting expert? Hah! Nope, not that one either, though my kids have, so far, “turned out” well. (According to whose standards??) Marriage expert, advisor? It’s been 30+ years, after all. Nahhh, I’d better not go there. Movie critic? I’d be good at ripping apart almost everything, which nobody would want to read. Hmmm, “nobody would want to read”….is THAT what this is about? Who is this for, anyway? Why did I get on in the first place? Lonliness? Boredom? Desire to expand my world? Who told me about this place? Who was the first person I “read”? Ah, yes. SHE was the major inspiration to me. Her photos, her words, funny and cleverly written, her love for the Lord, her growing family was/is interesting to read about…I was HOOKED. I wanted to BE her (with fewer kids) and live where she lives. I wanted to NOT be me anymore because I and my life looked oh, so mundane. I tried to spice things up but because I am not beautiful, nor intelligent, nor well equipped with, well, whatever you need to create this fabulous life to blog about, I am going to just be me. A photo here and there, a few words here and there….pretty much keeping quiet here and there. “In Person” life is calling my name; Gail, get that china cabinet emptied out and painted. Gail, get out and take more interesting photos! Gail, cook dinner! Gail, go spend time with some of your friends! Gail, go for a walk. Go take a class at the Comm. college. Sell all the waiting -to -sell stuff on E-bay. Have a tea party with the grandgirls. Get the sewing machine fixed and learn how to sew, for reals! Live for this day and hope for tomorrow that you will find your purpose and believe that because of Christ, you are very much adored.

I must be losing it. As in, a part of my mind. Every now and then when I need to write the date, the year begins to come out as 19 eighty something. So, because we are now facing 2011, I think I shall sit and practice writing the year a hundred times on a piece of lined paper, just like I was doing a punishment assignment for a school teacher. Then MAYbe, I’ll get it right. ALL year. ~~~~~~ That top photo is my front door, shot by my budding photog daughter, Brianne. She was clothed enough to go out into the snowpacked yard. I was the “Allergic to the cold” chicken who merely opened my bedroom window-with-no-screen to take the next photo. If you walk between those two beefed up bamboo fences and go to the right, that’s where we keep all of our yard stuff. The storage shed is over there, too. So is the little empty plot where I hope Hubby will build a simple, Anthropologie style garden shed. If you go to the left, you head to the back door or the rest of the back yard, which our black dog has claimed for his racetrack, ball pit, soccer field and tanning salon. All I want is a garden shed. ( *   Yes, that’s a one eyed wink. Because that’s all I’m capable of right now. God provides. He cares. He loves. He does what He wants. I’m going along with Him! I hope and trust that rolling out of bed tomorrow morning means I get to look forward to getting to know Him better and that I get to spend more time getting to know YOU better. I love my family and friends and I DO struggle with a few people in my In Person life. That’s life! Live to learn and grow. Nurture so that growth happens! That reminds me, I need to repot my Pointsettia. Happy New Year!!!!

Some of it is in our town. In fact, it looked a whole lot like Christmas spirit this morning when everything looked like it was covered with a white cashmere sweater. Then the temperature warmed up a tad, and off came the sweater. I enjoyed snapping a few photos. My “spirit” was invigorated! Hubby has said that he doesn’t feel like he has the Christmas spirit this year. Some years are like that. How can that BE? I have checked with him every day, asking him if he’s found it yet. Nope. It’s a mystery. He’s a happy, easy to please guy. Thank GOD! He enjoys giving, singing (though WaY off key) and he thinks life should be a musical where everyone should burst out in song at any random moment. Maybe because of his general, pleasant nature, he doesn’t need anything extra that comes along with Christmas. He even loves music that is full of what I call negative notes. The joy of the Lord dwells within him and THAT is THE Spirit. I hope and pray that all of you can enjoy the specialness of this time and live in the joy of the Holy Spirit. You are all so very special to me and I look forward to a new year of our growing friendship! Hugs! BIG hugs!

We snagged our daughter’s “special guy” to snap some photos of us with my Nikon. Hubby’s facetious streak came out in the form of his tongue, so more pictures were snapped and I think we finally came up with something suitable for the Christmas card photo. We were blessed with pLeNty of sunshine, so much that the poor redhaired boy could hardly open his eyes. I like to think ahead to what it will be like when we see the glorious face of the Lord! Bright, indescribable light! We will be free from the tribulation of the world as it is now. Ohhhhh, I DO look forward to that time! For now, here we are, hoping to be living in a way that glorifies God.   P.S. I’m not the one teetering in those boots!   ( 8 

The slower I go, the behinder I get. I know, that’s NOT the way the old saying goes! But it IS what applies here! The photo shows my Thanksgiving decorated fireplace, which is now, today, decorated for Christmas. I just haven’t snapped a photo yet. Maybe later. Or tomorrow. Or Friday.  I am learning, still, how to let God be who He is and get myselfishness (yes, all one word) out of the picture! I can’t focus on how I want everything and everyone to be nearly perfect. It’s exhausting and people get grumpy. Today should be interesting, as I am dying for a mocha and have vowed to not make one and savor it as if it was pure gold or something to be worshipped! I want to confidently rely on the loving-kindness and mercy of God!  

Today was a take off for the big city day. Just for me and my neighbor/friend Sharon. She wanted to visit with relatives who live in the valley during the cold months. And since she invited me to tag along (we’ve done this once before), and I have the vehicle with more power to get back up the hills to the high country, I offered to drive. We had a fun time, yakking and sharing ideas about jewelry (she makes pretty bling bling) and photography. While she visited her relatives, I wandered off on my own and discovered one of my favorite grocery stores nearby. Sprouts!!! Yippeeee! I took my good ole time in there looking at all the wonderful things available. I was excited to see things I can’t buy here in my town. I picked up a 1/4 lb. of espresso trail mix and a bottle of Naked juice for my lunch. Then I drove down the road and found a park. It felt so good to get out and walk around taking pictures in the most awesome weather. After I went and picked up Sharon from her aunt’s place, we went to another market, AJ’s, which we don’t have here in our town. We both were like two little girls in a doll shop; touching things, smelling things, marvelling at what all is there and feeling so spoiled just to be looking at all of that! On the ride home, I told her about missionary friends of ours who live in China and work at an orphanage and that the children don’t even know about all of the items that exist because people in their country make them! Anyway, this was a great day and yet another opportunity to be thankful for what we have, whether it’s alot or a little. I’m thankful that despite the fact that our heating system broke (whole house), we do have little space heaters. So many people don’t even have a house, much less a heated one. Being away with a friend who I don’t get to spend enough time with was a blessing in so many ways. Blessings…they can be seen all over if you really pay attention! 

Lake canoes function best when they are not only upright but in the water with a person inside, paddling away. Many times in my life, I have felt like the lone tree, the lone stub in the water, the upside-down canoe with no purpose at this time. At those times, I was listening to the wrong whisperer; the enemy who wants me to believe that I am worth nothing and that I am ugly and have no purpose. and that nobody would really want to love me as I need to be loved, especially if and when they knew that I had this critical, judgemental gremlin in me that could burst out when provoked. The enemy whisperer had me. Almost completely. all the way down to where I thought I’d just pack a bag and leave for a few days to mull things over and further distance myself from “Dodge”. “Dodge” is not only my pet name for my town, but for anything in my life that disturbs me. I wanted to leave because deep, down inside, my anger was fading into indifference, like a fire going out, dying with nothing left but ashes that would eventually go cold. God knew that. The Spirit that is more than powerful, that is purely and magnificently His, swept down into that place, down into “Dodge” and poured a good dose (a God dose) of peace and love and comfort. His voice told me to listen carefully and just be still. He said to give it another day here and be. BE. Be Him through me. Be a wife. Be a mother. Be the person who loves music. Listen to it. Be the person who loves to notice beauty in unsuspecting places. Be delighted by the daily things. Be silly. Be funny. Be intelligent with the knowledge I have and reach out for more. Be a neighbor, a friend. Be a daughter of the King. Be in the power of the femaleness that is God given. Be beautiful just by believing that my Creator says I am. Be active! Be creative. Be trusting. Trusting. Trusting. Be in a place where He wants me, not only in His arms, but in my husband’s arms, because he likes me there. Be in love. Be here, on purpose. In Dodge. And it is okay to believe that someday, I will be in the place where my heart truly desires. He will always BE with me.

Today seems to have been a day to do something different, out of the norm. Like, Hubby and I needed a “Time Out”. But together. So, after a little breakfast with friends, we went to run an errand and upon realizing that we were so close to one of the lakes in our area, Hubby said let’s go. Besides, we haven’t been there for a long time as it’s on the other end of town. Or out of the other end of town. It was chilly but beautiful. There are fabulous walking paths now and because we have this Fall weather, the color is nice. I did snap alot of photos but am only posting these two for now. “Time Out” on that one. As soon as we got home, someone came to my door to present me with a difficult situation. It’s one which requires me to take a FacebookTime Out. I had said too much and wasn’t very nice about it. I apologized and removed the offensive “status” that I had posted a month ago while going through a very frustrating situation with them. And they are not people who are easy to confront or talk to. So, right now I am on my little comfy loveseat, knowing that at least the Lord knows my heart, knows I have done what I could to repair the damage and that I am open to forgiveness; me toward them and hopefully, them toward me. Human nature does get in the way when the Spirit isn’t completely in control!and when my fingers went flyin over the keyboard that day, the Spirit wasn’t in them. Oh yea, it could’ve been worse, and we have dealt with alot more being the recipients of the effects of their ways. But I should’ve taken my frustration straight to the One who has the best listening ear, the biggest heart, the most love and the clearest understanding. God. 

 You know how it feels. Life whacks you upside the head. OUCH. Your heart hurts, head hurts, stomach hurts. You have a good cry, sometimes only after a dear friend (and you know who you are) encourages you to do so. You think ’til you can think no more. You pray and think some more until finally, you are SPENT. So today I went outside and did  what always helps me heal: snapped, with my Nikon. ( 8

Today is my Dad’s 80th birthday. It took him forEVER to tell me “I love you, Gail”. I genuinely believe him. The lifetime of hurt and tears are behind us. Now, we have a joyful relationship, which I am so grateful for. There is healing in that. Today is also the day that my brother has just been sentenced to 5 years in prison. He did horrible things; committed crimes against family members and “society”, working with and for a gang, addicted to ungodly things. I have cried so many times over the pain he caused and cried when I thought he was healed and I saw him for the first time in a long time. I cried then because I, his big sister, was so relieved that he wasn’t found shot to death in an alley somewhere. I cried when he said, “I love you, Gail” and I peered into his eyes and said, “No matter what happens, Dave, I will ALWAYS love you”. Now, the tears are flowing again. I wish I could save him. Why did he grow up so deviated? I hate to picture him shackled, wearing prison clothes and prison sandals,  going into a place behind cold, hard metal doors to live another phase of his torn life. My youngest brother is relieved. I am relieved for him. I have cried for his pain. This is so very hard and I really, really need prayer because it’s like a humoungous scab has been ripped off and now the massive rawness of a wound is revealed. I believe in Jesus our healer and I do have an unstoppable hope for the future. My experience with healing in different areas hasn’t been a hoax and I believe that there is power in prayer. This is a big day for me and my family and we need big power.