this lovely young lady. Some of you have read redladybug. Some of you have received wonderful little comments from her. In person, she is as special as she is in Xangaland. When she walked into the little coffee shop where we agreed to meet, I knew right away it was her. There’s just something so cool about meeting a xanga friend in person, when you KNOW you were supposed to meet them! I also introduced her to my daughter who is just a little younger than Gabrielle and is now living in the same area. The two girls seemed to get along just fine and have a couple of things in common. What a blessing! I only wish we could’ve had more time together, but we were glad to squeeze in an hour or so before we had to go our separate ways.

Since my arrival home, I’ve been exhausted and plunking through the days with a heaviness over my eyes, plus one eyelid has been swollen. I wish I could take my head off, wash it up real good, vacuum it out and put it back on.

Our house has a different feeling now that it’s just me and hubby. Our college kids are more than a thousand miles away. That’s just too stinkin far, but I know I’m not the only mom who’s had to watch her “youngins” fly off like that.  Thankfully, our oldest son and his family live nearby. I got some much needed lovin’ from the 5 little Grandwonders today and my daughter-in-love treated me to a home baked cinnamon roll. Such sweetness is good for the soul.

Yesterday was not a good day and I told myself that maybe an enemy was shooting some wicked arrows at me. You know, THAT enemy. I hate it when that happens. When I think I’m “over” that, when I think “that” isn’t happening but realize it is and oh, the ache that attacks the heart. And sometimes Jesus’s words go in one ear and out the other; “Gail, you have everything you need in ME”. And my response?  “Yeah, but…” And he goes, “Rest in ME”. me; “Okay, but…” He says, “I love you best”. I quiet down and let “it” go and let his words stop in my head and sink into my spirit.  It’s tough, isn’t it, when an issue that’s old but not dealt with, gets buried and forgotten and then it pops up in it’s stale yet very much alive ugliness. That’s my life. I’m classic human and I know a peace today that I didn’t have yesterday.

So, now I’d like to get off of my box and go read your posts.

Here you see my oldest son and his family. I can’t believe he is 29 already, married with 5 children! Thirty years ago, when I’d been married for a little over 2 years, I wanted a baby. SO badly. You know the saying, “Good things come to those who wait”? God said “Wait. And trust me.”

Waiting and trusting are difficult, to say the least. Especially if you’re me. I’m learning to give in and trust in whatever God has going on. My family means so much to me, although I allow myself to get side-tracked by general, everyday necessities, like eating, cleaning, etc. Sometimes I get to meet a friend for a treat, lunch, meandering through an antique store…It’s a blessing to have those opportunities after 29 years of raising children, being a wife, working outside the home and working my rear off INside the home. Now, I have time to be Jesus with skin on to friends who need encouragement. I have time to go to doctors appointments. Time to help my parents and sister. After my two younger kids go away in August, I will endeavor to take time again to spend with my daughter-in-love and the little Wonders! It all takes sacrifice and balance. Of course, I don’t always feel like sacrificing and balancing. Basically, I’m a pretty selfish person, but because I don’t like selfish people, I see that my own selfishness needs to go, right out the window. Pity parties are a NO-NO! Somebody else in my world deserves to have a pity party but I know that person has a beautiful spirit and is just moving along with the difficult situation, soaking in the love of Jesus all the way. That’s how I want to be.

Last Saturday we went to our son and daughter-in-love’s house to celebrate the fact that Jonathan was now 29 years young. It was great to see who all else was there…we sure do love them! Tara, my daughter-in-love is ever the gracious hostess and is so easy to love and be around. Her dad went outside for something and came back in declaring, “there’s a tarantula out here!” Tara, her sister Laura and I JUMPED up, grabbed our cameras and were set to snap photos. Thankfully, Tara got up close and personal with this visitor, so that I wouldn’t have to. (sweet thing, she is). This seems to be the summer for tarantulas and snakes.( 8

Well, I suppose the Hat Party fizzled before it got started. That’s okay. We’re all so busy. I did put on my Angel’s visor the other day so that I wouldn’t come back from my walk with a sunburnt forehead. Hubby snapped a photo, but I’m thinking it belongs in the trash bin.

Tonight I feel like I’ve had a great week but it sure would be nice to be out somewhere…like at a party!

Our July 4th celebration was at a friend’s house.  They live in a gorgeous, large home up on the hill, in a cul-de-sac. Their house is the only one in their cul-de-sac. (And yes, it’s THEIR cul-de-sac). Their view is stunning. The night sky was perfect with just the right amount of clouds and dropping sun. WHY oh WHY did I NOT take my camera? And I don’t have I ANYthing, therefore, a trendy little Instagram on an IPhone wasn’t going to save me from Photographer’s Lost Opportunity Frustration. It was a glorious night, however, with a bunch of great friends, plus my sister (she was thrilled to be invited). The host and hostess are loving, down-to-earth people who don’t care that we don’t live in an uppity up, hoity toity neighborhood. THEY are Jesus with skin on.

Hubby had a doc appointment yesterday in the snooty city of Scottsdale. We took our dear friends Mark and Cindi with us, as we planned to eat out and shop. We had SUCH a good time and I loved that WE got to be the ones to introduce them to Crate and Barrel. Also, Mark had never eaten at Cheescake Factory. And even though I’ve been bustin’ buns with exercise, I allowed myself a piece of original cheesecake. Glory be, was MY mouth ever happy! Yes, a great big celebration was going on with my tastebuds! We arrived home, full and content. We’d gotten outa Dodge and now, we were home where the air is cleaner and cooler and all the horses are good lookin’. (No, we don’t own horses. But, other people do.)

A Xanga friend asked how we like to express ourselves. My answer would be through Photography. It used to be through writing songs and poems. I thought it’d be through painting, but that was too hard, because I wanted beautiful, perfect paintings. Writing helps, but so many of my words are stuck inside. Some of you express so amazingly what I would want to say.

Another one of you wanted to know about bee stings. I honestly cannot remember. Most of my childhood is lost in a great haze.

Camping? I think the last time was when I was 16. There we were, a family of 7 in our tent in a KOA outside of Flagstaff. Thunder and lightening and drenching rain and flooding in the campground turned camping into something I decided I’d never EVer want to do again. As a married gal, I’ve never EVer camped. And now I want to.

My eyeballs are fried from lack of sleep and too much screen time. But, I am grateful. Grateful for the way things are, even though it’s not easy. Change is hard. But you never know when there’s a party around the bend or another person who really shows Jesus’s unconditional love.

I’d love to see you all post a photo of yourselves in a hat, as many times/days as you want. This is just my simple beginning. And yes, Janet, July 4th is next week, and I think we should really get dolled up for that one! I love you all!

Nothing unusual here. It’s just the usual! I am loving any time that there is a party. I am in this Need A Party stage. And it’s one I don’t want to go past. I want to be IN it for awhile because it’s more fun than the mundane, ordinaryness of life. I’ve been to 2 weddings and 2 birthday parties in a bit more than one week. I’ve snapped LOTS of pictures. Too many, in fact. I just can’t keep up with them all and people are…………………waiting. And more people want me to do their photos, which I am certainly grateful for! I definately look forward to the brand new baby ones coming up!

My kids have been so busy, my head is spinning. I’m grateful for that, too, but before I can say “WAIT!”, they’ll be off to college and Hubby and I will be here, just the two of us. just…the…two.. of US. I can hardly wait to see how we’ll go through that one. It’ll be dreadfully quiet. The house will be dreadfully neat and tidy. The laundry pile will be dreadfully small. The dishes in the sink will be dreadfully few. The refrigerator will be dreadfully empty. The dog will be dreadfully sad. Getting past this initial stage will be interesting. I’m grateful we’ll still have the little Wonders and their parents nearby to bring noise and interest and cuteness into the house. We just need to invite them over again!

The renewing of my mind is something I’m continually going through. I’m learning about spiritual things that are a bit different than what I was taught for years, thanks to Andrew Farley. (www.churchwithoutreligion.com) What a sense of relief and freedom I’ve received from learning what God says.

So many people are suffering. I’ve said that before and I sure don’t want to be Debbie Downer, but golly, my sleep time is shrinking as I pray more at night. Last night I was awakened many times by snoring hubby or my stomach pains or arthritic hip pain or still need that new crown on the tooth pain. Each time I tried to go back to sleep, I began talking to Jesus about this person and that person and what they’re hurting about or what their difficult situation is. I know He does what He does and it’s not always what we want. He does what’s best in the long run for the big picture, for his glory. My one earthly hero is Rhett, who’s daughter died of a brain anuerysm a few years ago. She was a beautiful, fun, smart high school senior who was very popular. Every Sunday, she’d flash me her pretty smile and say a cheerful, genuinely friendly “Good Morning”! When she was suddenly gone, it was a horrific shock. Her memorial service was huge. Many tears streamed from most of the faces there. Rhett was amazing through it all. So was his beautiful wife and their younger daughter. God’s glory held them through and continues to hold them. I have watched them along the way, wondering how it must be, really, but not wanting to feel that kind of pain. I cannot imagine how they are continuing with Getting Past This, other than knowing that God’s strength is bigger than what we can fathom. With that in the front of my mind, I pray for them all the time. I have more thoughts, but lack the ability to put them on here.

There are lighthearted things to write about but I’m tired and can’t think of the funny things. There’ll be no parties tomorrow, unless I throw one just for the heck of it. A Grateful For Party! A Getting Past THIS party! (Getting through some of this Being 55 is reason enough). I love you all.

Edit: It’s a brand new day here in breezy, warm, sunny central Arizona. Birds are chirping, a hawk was in our front yard, the garbage trucks have come and gone. We have our little agenda and trust that things will go accordingly.  Sometimes I remember to begin the day with, “Okay, Jesus, what are we doing today?”

There are times when something inside me screams, “GO take some pictures!” Also, there are times when my body screams, “GO for a walk or do a workout!” Well, I have no workout photos for this post (thank you for your sighs of relief), but I do have a blurry photo of my purple sweeties. Hmmm, maybe if I do blurry photos of a workout, they wouldn’t look so horrible; I wouldn’t look so horrible!

We’ve had a constant breeze blowing, which makes outdoor photography REALLY frustrating, for flower close-ups anyway. I snapped away and this is the result. Life is a continuing learning experience and we have to just persevere.

Life has been been a pretty nice experience overall, lately and for that, I feel tremendously blessed! By God’s grace, I am not in a pit of sadness or despair and recovered from grieving over a situation that seems to be a part of life as I know it right now. Enemy: big loss. God wins. Oh sure, it’s normal to be sad and worse, depressed at times. We’re humans! As God has held me and carried me through one thing or another, I choose to embrace his peace, his gentleness, his love. He sometimes allows tough things to happen; it’s life and I am being chiseled with love.

So, the “kids” have been working this week, after they returned from a nice, big lake trip. I’ve also been working with my photography. It seems like as soon as I finish one project, another has opened up. I am SO grateful for the opportunities! Last weekend, my daughter-in-love was my shooting side-kick and she did well. I knew she would! I’m hoping she’ll really take off as a children’s photographer. She’s young and short and it’s much easier for her to catch them at their level!

My mom and I have enjoyed a fairly regular schedule of going out together. THAT has been such a blessing! I do feel more positive about the whole situation with my parents and sister being here. They’re doing better and are learning the way our crazy little town is laid out.

My grandwonders are just as cute as ever and I am ITCHING to get some amazing shots of them when they are willing to be still for JUST a few minutes!

My hubby seems to be adjusting to a change in meds and I sure do love that guy, no matter what his wacked out thyroid does to him. His back pain ebbs and flows. Some days, it’s severe and he can’t do a thing. That, along with plain exhaustion and forgetfulness…well, he’ll just lie down and let life go by. That’s life for him.

My workouts have taken a backseat for a couple of weeks as life got busier for a couple of us gals. Very soon, though, we’ll be back at it in a brand new little gym that our trainer has been having built. I am SO excited about that because we’ll have privacy and we’ll no longer have to deal with difficult people who are difficult because they never got the memo about personal responsibility.

Time to go now. For those of you who got to the end here, thank you. I love you. I care about your lives and I pray for you, sometimes well into the night.

    A new “chapter” in my life book has begun, I am told, because my baby has finished high school. I just knew I’d be sobbing my little brown eyes out. That was not the case. Surprise, surprise, I didn’t even need to use a single tissue. Yes, my eyes teared up. Especially when my little Down’s syndrome friend Amanda was all dolled up in her grad gown and cap, leading a group of her fellow graduates. I am so proud of her! I got choked up when my son came marching by, all smiley, spotting us in the bleachers. Then again when all the graduates flung their caps into the deep blue night sky, at the end of the ceremonies.

The plan for this summer is for my kids to work. Brianne is also taking 2 online courses to keep forging ahead with her education. She’s like a train…wanting to get to the station ahead of schedule.  I just hope we can slow down the calendar a bit and fully ENJOY this summer, even if we don’t get to go on a vacation. I hope to just be thankful for the simple life that we have, making the sour things sweet, if at all possible.  I’m praying for respect to be given where it should be given, grace for those who are unnerving and love to those who are completely unlovable.

Water is essential for the brain. For many types of plants, grasses, etc. Right now I feel like a flopping over dandelion that hasn’t had much rain.  SO much life is whipping by and I can’t keep up with writing about it here or even in my journal. I can’t even discuss things with my husband now unless we do so in the privacy of our car.  My thoughts and feelings are now relegated to the deepest closet of my mind as someone in the house has decided that these things (topics of discussion) are too much for said person to overhear. Hubby and I are responsible for my parents’ well-being and simply need to chat about what he was told versus what I was told, etc. It’s complicated when these things are assumed to be “negative talk”…when it’s actually us comparing notes and possibly/probably airing a bit of frustration about how things are (funny how other people are allowed to do that but WE aren’t?!?) and our feeling of being overwhelmed with everything. …everything being, well, everything. We’ve done our school experience, our working several jobs or one job forever experience, the marriage experience, the parenting experience, the grandparenting experience and whatever else experience…pouring time and energy into all of it and we’d like to keep going strong with the marriage-parent-grandparent experiences. We just need to be understood. We need people to know that we don’t want pity, but respect and mercy and ooh yeah, HELP! I just want to pack a bag and fly away, to California, I guess. At least there, I know I could do a photoshoot, get paid for it, and pay for my stay. And relax, without DEALing with STUFF! Now. I know this might be offensive to some…I hope it isn’t. This is completely harmless compared to what other people are saying in the venting venues. This ain’t nuttin’ honey. And, I know I am recovering from this latest irritation. I can feel it coming on right now as I type, as the little piece of coffee candy makes its way through my bloodsteam and into my brain, to mix with whatever water might be there.

Bed will be nice tonight, if I can talk to hubby before he snoozes off to his bad thyroid sleep. At least Jesus always listens. And loves unconditionally. And  says he’s never going to leave me.  And his mercy is new every morning (unlike my gripes that continue from one day to the next!).

Just to help myself feel pretty, I let my hair grow a bit, then trimmed off a little off the back length. Brushed my toenails with a new, soft tangerine color polish. Opened my Bible and read 2Corinthians 4… something to soothe the soul.

I really miss everyone, you all. Mostly, I’m too busy or tired to get on and read everything. I have a large order of photos to do in the next couple of days and once that is complete, I have a certain someone’s high school graduation to deal with. Yep. “Deal with”. My baby and all his little friends have grown up and will be throwing their grad caps into the air on Friday night, while I am collecting all the tear soaked tissues that might be at my feet. SO many special kids…so many childhood memories…so many great parents in the audience to glance sideways at, like “remember when we…”

This has gotten long and tedious and hopefully not boring. I do love it when I can read every word you all type out. I know your hearts are pretty much in what you say. That means alot to me!

My Mom and Dad…still pretty much in love.

Wow. I’m overdue for a post. Many posts. My red-haired boy turned 18 and went to prom. I did take some nice photos, but they’re on another computer and I’m too lazy to go through the rigamaroll to get them on here.  Hubby and I celebrated our 32nd anniversary in Phoenix at the Musical Instrument Museum. We ate lunch there and enjoyed walking around in the beautiful, new contemporary building. I LOVE museums and RAREly get to go, so THIS was quite the treat. We then went shopping so that I could pick up a birthday gift for my sister. While I was bent over in Anthropologie (gleeful sigh), I sensed a figure standing near me. I stood up and OH WOW…there stood my college girl! I threw myself on her out of sheer delight! I knew her Aunty Beth had picked her up from the airport the night before and that they (along with her Aunty Marla) were, no doubt, out there somewhere shopping, but had no idea they’d be in the same area as hubby and I!!!! So, that totally made my day. My heart felt complete. She hung out with me for awhile and then we parted ways as this was when hubby and I would decide where to eat our anniversary din-din. We’d fetch our daughter a couple hours later from my sister’s house. So, we decided upon Cheesecake Factory. God is so wonderful to inspire humans to create cheesecake. And salads. And strawberry lemonade! It was comforting to spend this special time together…not really romantic at all because of this different season we’re in with hubby’s health. But it was nice and we are confident that God’s love comes through us to each other. If I could change it to be how it was say….5 years ago, I certainly would. However, I would not change what all we’ve learned about commitment. I do feel like we’ve uploaded, downloaded, overloaded and unloaded stuff from our marriage and we’re good to go for as long as we can! God’s grace is such a gift, and that’s the gift we have for each other. Nothing material, not even a card or flowers. Just love, grace and being together to share a new experience.  We’re blessed with great kids, family and friends. I’m so thankful that my daughter has grown up and actually allowed me to use her as a model so that I can see what I need to improve my photography.  Improvement…everybody can use a little now and then and that’s the road I’m on…all for God’s glory, not my own!