At the eyelid splitting hour of 6:45, I pulled myself out of the cozy, comfy bed. Me, the NOT a Morning Person. got up early in order to go to the gym for a hiney kicking workout. It worked. Hiney hurts. It’ll be worth it if I can get into my spring and summer clothes, which I dug out of my little closet. My favorite t-shirt is the starfish one.

Dishes and laundry had to be done; I love the soap I made for the laundry. I REALLY love the old metal can I found to contain the soap!  I went outside to snap a few photos…

Some Dandies are finished already! The ladies are out in force.

When I came inside, Kilo was standing there next to his piggy, waiting for Somebody to play with him! Sadly, his boy had to leave for work. ) :  And his other people were kind of busy. Hubby and #One son were putting an alternator into the Expedition. Messy, dirty, bloody job.

Before our red-haired boy left, he asked if we’d please go to the store. We “Have No Food”. So later, I gathered up my pretty bags and off we went to buy groceries. We are continually shocked at the prices and have been forced to scale down the variety. Ha! Like we ever even HAD variety. (I’m a boring cook.)

Throughout the day, I checked in on a couple xanga friends to see about the life in the day. How was yours?

As time races by and the brain cells and many strands of hair go down the drain, I feel every second of my age. Today, anyway. With all my exercising, I wanted to look a certain way for my 55th birthday. Because of how life happens, I did not reach my goal, nor did I look the way my Pinterest dreams told me to look. In fact, worse, as a verticle chunk of a tooth was missing. I have been aching alot, too from all the workouts, making my body lift and twist and stretch and squat and lunge and sprint and…oh goodness, are you exhausted? My expectations seemed reasonable, but I just wasn’t disciplined enough. Naughty foods found their way into my mouth, causing tastebuds to scream with guilty delight.  We all know what happens from there. Yes, yes, we do. See the grande mocha frap sitting in front of my friend Patty? mine. every, single, calorie plumped sip. (Lovely Teresa is on my other side.) Well, we were celebrating after all. Hubby talked me into going to Starbucks to pick up a quick drink before we were to head over to the lake for me to take photos. We walked in, and to my surprise, there were several of my friends, giggling at me from the corner where they sat. More friends came in. Then more! All to tell me Happy Birthday! My hubby was tickled to death that he managed this “surprise party”, despite his feeling so tired and all. I absolutely felt loved and special, and nobody really cared that I was not yet down to a size 5 and nobody said anything about my tooth or the hair not completely neat or my nails not “done”…It was truly wonderful! Funny thing is, I love these people JUST AS THEY ARE! None of us is perfect, but from the inside, we generate true love.

The Cottonwoods are budding, thanks to our warm streak before the massive snowstorm! The one thing I love about Spring is the Life that pops, seemingly, out of nowhere. Everything that was dead and scraggly and scary is now ignited with color and excitement and promise.

That sad thing right now is that today, the sky is grey and its absence of color is matching my somber mood as I contemplate the WHY of my dear friend’s brother’s suicide. I do understand the difficult circumstances he was in. But to completely give in to deep discouragement and leave wife and daughters devastated and siblings and parents and other relatives and friends and co-workers shocked? That’s the capital W in WHY? Lost hope? Selfishness?

The death is like Spring reversed if you look at it eye ball to eye ball…grey, scraggly, drab, lifeless… Yet in reality, this guy believed in Jesus and who He is and what He did at His death and ressurrection. This friend was forgiven for his choices at that cross. I believe he’s with Jesus in heaven now. And that’s the only comfort in this tragedy. Kind of like putting the buds on the tree and knowing they contain life.

When most of the snow had melted (that can happen quickly when it’s 70 degrees), and I was itchin’ to go for a walk, my hubby decided that we should go! I was thrilled! The trail was easy and beautiful. We wandered down into the marshy area where we were told we might find turtles. We didn’t see any, but I caught the sun hiding behind a tree and took that photo for Andreas. I hope he sees it, because he likes taking that kind of photo. The pond looked pretty murky, but I thought even that was photo worthy. I want to go back out there tomorrow and see if the turtles show their shells!

Okay, so, today is a gorgeous day and I desperately need to go for a power walk. somewhere. anywhere. I have lost 3 pounds and am amped up about that earth-shattering news! I even ate CINNAMON rolls last week! How did the weight loss happen? It’s highly possible that I drank my special water, and drank aLOT of it. Thank God for the person who suggested putting slices of lemon, cucumber and sprigs of mint into a container of water! It really does help to clean out the system, let me TELL you, my dears. I wish I could say that shoveling snow helped me burn calories, but no…I simply shot photos of the beauty that took down a bunch of our branches. And soon, I hope to snap some shots of my hubby and son, sawing those babies down into nice little logs. That should burn a couple of calories, ya think?

In spite of the excitement of snow and weight loss, I still battle with a little depression, and that has everything to do with hubby’s condition. At least we have a solid foundation and I always see where God’s love is sweeping through us like a brush scraping the snow off the windshield. I easily get blinded by the difficulties and the negatives. I’m so grateful for what and who brings my vision back.

One of the best things that could happen is that when my parents moved here, I gained the opportunity to reconnect with my older sister, because wherever they go, she needs to go. They rely on each other.. Sadly, she is sometimes like a slave and that really, REALLY irks me. So, the great thing is, that last week she texted me and asked if I’d be interested in taking her to walk the path by the lake where she and dad go driving by (everytime they go somewhere; AND dad’s the driver, which means he has all the power to where they go and when). Of course, I said yes! Long story longer: I picked her up and took her over there, along with my daughter, who was home for spring break. I WISH you could meet “Mar”. We had so much fun and I was truly, truly blessed to witness her transformation out on that trail. She wanted to keep going, but agreed we could stop where we stopped, with our goal set for “next time, we’ll go as far as the bridge”. My dear friends, I plead with you…. if you think of her, please pray for her strength to deal with the every day hum drum, same old, same old, controlled environment she is commanded to live in. I wish I was in charge of her situation; she’d have so much freedom and activity and her spirit would explode with joy. I need to get her out walking again, but, as in the recent past, have met with some resistance from the folks. They won’t even let her walk out of the gated community. It’s a safe area, and alot of people, mostly older but fit people, are out beyond those gates. Oy vey, I get so frustrated with the severe boundaries placed upon her. She needs me and I need her, to help each other get beyond our weight issues, our depression issues and simply our need to have some fun as sisters, because we were denied that for so many years. I guess I’ll end here. You all don’t need to read my book!

Not long ago, we had a sprinkling of snow, which is very normal for our Spring. Then, thankfully, the warm weather arrived and I was all tingly with excitement about tan skin and sandals.Alas, our weekend forecast is for snow. I only hope it waits til daughter and company are well on their way back to Texas. Four of them are traveling in the boyfriend’s little Scion. I’m pretty sure the highway angels flew that thing home last weekend. When my Briannie texted me very early on Saturday morning telling me where they were at that time, I was mostly asleep. My bleary-eyed response was ” “Wow. I will slrrp a vit.” I guess that gave them a laugh. I meant to say “I will sleep a bit”. And that was just about the only sleep I ggot since they left the day before.

Our dog, Kilo loves us. His loyalty and protection gives me a feeling of security. He’s not the prettiest dog and gets made fun of because of his “bat ears”. What other people don’t immediately see is how beautiful his heart is. And these words coming from me, the “I DON’T want another dog!”, are genuine.I forgive him for carrying dust and pollen into the house on his coat. I also forgive him for coming in with muddy feet, slimey tennis balls, filthy chewies, etc. I forgive the scratches on the leather sofa from his nails that were no doubt going after a tennis ball or other toy. He adores Brianne and Ryan and is out of sorts right now because Ryan went on a camping trip with his best buddy and family, and Brianne and her boyfriend and friends went to Sedona for the day. Kilo will wiggle his body nearly in half when  Brianne gets home. Then he’ll mope on Saturday when she leaves again. I don’t know WHAT we’ll do with him in August when both Ryan and Brianne leave for Texas. I don’t know what I’LL do when they leave and my nest will be empty.

Loyalty is a precious commodity. I know that not everybody has it in them to be as loyal as their friend needs. Being too busy is a contributing factor, but I’d like to think that I’m always loyal to my friends and family members and especially to my man. I’m blessed with not only a loyal dog, but loyal people.

Cinnamon rolls…Ah, that would be a delicious treat right now. The kind my hubby makes. Absolutely filled with sin. No, wait. They’re filled with loving goodness to make the taste buds dance and the brain cells happy and the fat cells shine. I’ve been pretty much behaving myself with the careful eating and working out. Therefore, my body is missing the rare treat of those rolls. Maybe if I quit looking at Pinterest photos of rolls and such, I will get through this craving unscathed.  Actually, I can go back on Pinterest and look at the weight loss motivational posters! Tomorrow night is another workout…I need to be well enough to go. I’ve been a icky blob since Monday night!

I hope you all are well; being your usual cute, clever, witty, amazing, wise and beautiful selves.

Amazingly, there are 7 little Narcissus flowers on this stalk! It was a gift from a friend…someone who is way more wild than me. And so very thoughtful, she waited ’til late November to give me my birthday gift from last March. She wanted these things to come out close to my birthday THIS year I guess! I do LOVE my wild friends! They seem to have so much more fun and fulfillment than I do. Because I’m neither wild, nor live a wild life, I will just tell 7 things about me. Try not to fall asleep! Thank you, Cindy, (@down_onthefarm) for tagging me!

1. I lived in Mexico for 6 years; missionary kid. No further explanation needed!

2. I married the only guy who asked me to marry him. Thank GOD, I liked him alot! ( 8 

3. On a family vacation in Mexico (me as a teen) we were on a mountain winding road, late at night and suddenly BIG THUMP went the station wagon. We hit a cow. No injuries, just shaken. Made a wild, great story for all the church folks back home.

4. I love to drive. I got to drive a quad a few years ago, and would love to own one, but am afraid if we could buy one, I’d be a wild driver on that thing. They are FUN!

5. I learned to drive in that hit-the-cow station wagon on a built for a movie landing strip. One lesson, no other cars or people in sight. Dad made me drive home on a scary, 2 lane highway with tractor trailer semis flying by. THAT WAS WILD!

6. Mexico again… ( I was almost 16), mom had my 2nd brother. C-section birth (wildly scary in a Catholic Mexican hospital). Baby bro was in an incubator. I stood right next to him, praying that he’d live. Mom felt  like she was dying. I had to spend 2 nights in her room to “help” with the baby. LORD, THAT was intense and I sensed an oppression there. Ever since then, 39 years later, I still struggle with the sound of a crying baby and a certain feeling in a building.

7. Recently went for a walk by myself at the lake. The wind was a tad wild. And I realized that if I’m going to be out there walking alone, I’d better have some protection, like a weapon. I’d like a pink Mace pistol for my birthday!

So, how is everybody? For those of you who’ve been in pain, I have prayed. I have prayed that you would receive the strength to get through whatever difficulty you’re going through. I’m almost 55 and I know a bit about pain and other difficulties, but please don’t think that I think I’m “all THAT” just because of how old I am. We get to experience life in it’s best and worst, don’t we? Things aren’t bad here, actually. Just trying and frustrating at times. But thankfully, there are good times and sweetness in each day. I just have to pop myself upside the head and say, “HEY, GIRL! Look, focus on what is good and know that within you exists the One source of strength and joy that you need.” How many times have I written and thought these things?

Anyway….the door. The birthday party. The wedding.  The getting to see my girl for a few days. The 3 Grandwonder birthdays. The this and the that.  The door was almost telling me to paint it a pale yellow. So, I did and am happy with that. I didn’t paint ALL of it, however. The other side is simply sanded and bricky reddish rown, in case any boys prefer that side.  It’ll be a well-used backdrop! Their party was fun, but not like I expected, as the little boys were running like headless chickens with a soccer ball all over the backyard. My photo shoot set-up was feeling very unsafe and not as wonderfully set-up as I’d hoped . As you can see, I did get my 2 grandgirlies in their feathery finest, but not everyone got to have a photo done because of the sort of chaotic timing of events. I promised 2 families that I’d take their photos another time, wherever and whenever they want. The wedding photography was a tad nerve wracking and exhausting to me. My daughter was awesome and a much appreciated help to me! We did get some wonderful photos, but sheesh, people…HOW do you get those Coming Down (or up) the Aisle photos? I only got a few sharp ones. ‘Course I was all emotional once the doors opened and the bride stood there with her daddy….(and knowing that her mom was looking down on the scene from Heaven). Ay, ay, ay, so emotional. But I did get 2 shots I’m happy with of her in the aisle. Anyway, in my head, I had this dreamy idea of what the gown shot would look like. Forget it. When you’re stuck with the church nursery being your backdrop…UGH. Ohwell. We have a wedding in June; family.. more on the low-key, I guess, in a Catholic church on a MOnday. So, hopefully, we’ll have dreamy, beautiful photos for her. The bride is a sweety and I adore her and want to do my bvery best. Oh boy, but I just KNOW I will cry. I’ll have to use a remote clicker for that one and not touch the camera as if I’m holding on for dear life!

Have you all been noticing all the huge doses of bad news and strife and sickness? I KNOW, huh? Well, besides praying and exercising and taking pictures, I have also allowed myself to have a Pinteresting life. Pinterest is not addiction for me; I can scoot my chair away from the desk and leave. I do love seeing all the ideas, etc. What I hate, yes hate, is the over-exposure photos of people; like those with few clothes. Yes, the body is beautiful. The well toned, well exercised, all limbs and things in the assigned places. But, people, ya just can’t get aWAY from what I think is porn or “soft”???porn, whatever that is. So, Pinterest is appealing to me in only certain areas. I don’t need the other stuff and I feel sorry for the unsuspecting gals whose husbands have discovered the so-called lovelies in those certain other departments. And by Lovelies, I don’t mean flowers or diamond rings or antique doors with grapevine wreaths.  

That didn’t sound judgemental, did it? I do need to stay down off my box. Why do I get so riled up about these things? Actually, don’t answer that, ‘cuz I do know why. I just hope that complete healing takes place in the person who used images to fuel the flames that destroyed an entire family, 2 marriages and God knows who all else.

Last year, one of my best friends gifted me with a card to a local garden store. The other day, I finally went to use it. I came home with several pots of Stock and an ornamental cabbage and a cute metal sign that says Thyme to Garden. The flowers smell so good and makes it feel even more like spring. Speaking of Spring, our temperature will supposedly go up to 65 this week. I’m lovin’ that. Time to get the green gloves on and move some happy dirt around, so that I can get serious about planting.

I’d like to say we’re moving out of the ‘hood, but the dream to move is not attainable at this time. The troubled one who lives nearby has been absent, it seems, for a few days. The slightly younger troubled one is still around and invites his cronies, who drive up in a boombox on wheels. Yesterday, the girlfriend drove that thing around the block 5 times. I’m pretty certain that I wasn’t the only neighbor with rattled nerves and vibrating house! { 8

My workouts at the gym will be “amped up” tonight, as I realize I have about a month til my birthday. I wanted to look slimmer by then. That is a dream that IS attainable. I’ve been drinking more water that I have perked up with cucumber, lemon and mint. It’s a great diuretic and tastes good, for those of you who don’t like water.

This is probably too long of a post, especially for any of you who are

like me and have a bit of A.D.D.  That’s where speed reading comes in handy, eh?  I hope you all are living life fully and making the most of each moment.

Bunches of love to you and virtual hugs to those who know I’d hug you in person!

The garden called its 911 and I answered. I came with the big fork and determination. Pulling, pushing, yanking, dumping, spreading, sweating and finally, I figured out what to do this year. And that was just the garden.

My body called 911 (not really) and I answered. I worked out hard, I ate reasonably well, and then I took the WHOLE weekend off, except for raking and sweeping. My intentions are usually REALLY good. I WANT to DO this weight loss. But when Hubby goes shopping and comes home with rolls and peanut M&Ms, and we have friends come over for dessert, I get weak. A LITTLE weak. So, I fear the scale tonight. I fear the gadget that counts my BMI and some other thing. We want those numbers to go down! I fear for my knees and what all will be required of the poor things,  Well, I’d better get moving along to Home Depot so I can buy a can of yellow paint for my vintage door and pruners for the little elm trees that are growing crazily right behind the house.

and POOF! Actually, I think it was an internet thing. No, wait! It’s the storm. The sun storm that’s been messing everything up. Oh well. My whole good-natured vent went to nowhere. It’s just as well. Waste of time you know, kind of like this right now. Tomorrow, I have plans. Not for chaos nor calamity. My plans are to begin a project, creating beauty out of ugly. I love doing that. It’s what I need to do in order to work out my anxiety about the wedding shoot I have for the 11th. (Feb.)  Is my equipment good enough? Will I trip over my tripod? Will my clicker stop clicking? Can I run from the front of the church to the back on time before the Bride and Groom exit? On and on I go. I’ve been experimenting with light; natural and flash with the special dealy hooked up to it to soften it. It’s good to fuss it out on here because when I literally plop into bed, I need to sleep. Not think and think and think. Pray.

Is anyone out there feeling a bit parched as far as love in life goes? Just wonderin’. I needed to go for a walk the other day and Hubby tagged along, though he didn’t seem too terribly excited. Today he told me that it wasn’t much of a walk because I kept stopping to shoot. photos. “I’m SORRY”, I replied. He’s just not feeling well, so I apologized for wanting to do what I love. It’s best to leave him alone for awhile because that is what he prefers when he’s in pain.  So, about the photos….most of this land was under water this time last year. It’s been a dry year since then and the water level keeps going down, revealing the plants and dead snail shells that were thriving back then. I’m working hard at thriving; not quite like I should be, but I’m at least giving it a go. Talking to Jesus about all the issues in and around me is like letting go of the load., drinking in His love, because HIS love never dries up, never pulls away.

   so I can tell you in person how much you meant to me.

You are gone now, my dear neighbor. I hope, truly hope that you are in Heaven.  So does your family. You used to stand in your lower yard, watering the rose bushes and you loved it whenever we came outside. Every now and then, you’d find my boy’s soccer ball and toss it over, You didn’t seem to mind that once in awhile, a ball would be there. Maybe because your own boy was a ball-playing kid once. He’s a grown man, shaken to the core after seeing your last breathe whisper through you mouth.

I always loved how hard you worked in your yard. When you invited us to come pick apples from your huge, healthy apple tree, I was so grateful for your kindness. Now, the ravens have picked it clean. And as a reminder, it seems, they have dropped a few as they flew over our yard, on the way to a new perch.

The tomato plants you gave us in June are brown, frozen…waiting to be plucked out and put into the compost bin. Those were the best tomatoes we’d ever eaten and they delighted my grandwonders when they went through our garden looking for goodies. Thank you SO much for that gift.

You were so cute in your suspender-held jeans with your measuring tape always on your belt, standing by our fence, chatting with my hubby about “stuff”; the yard work, the hunting trip, the future projects,,,”It’s never done!”

Your blue eyes could be seen from our front step almost all the way over to yours. Your smile was just as bright.  Your voice when you called Bandit “Hey, Dohg” will stay with me forever.

I will miss seeing you drive by, especially with your wife . I will miss you watering and just kind of poking around in your yard. I wish that the last time you were at our front door, we’d invited you in to sit a spell. If only we’d known your time here on earth was almost……….. gone.

Ya know how after Christmas, it can be a let-down? Not always, but CAN be. Well, December 27th was a great day for us because my little brother and his wife and kids came to our little piece of paradise to visit my little family and our parents and older sis who lives with my parents. I wanted to take brother and his family to my beloved lake for a family photo shoot. I’ve only posted one photo of him with my little niece peeking through the rocks. Of course, I had to include photos of my daughter with Kilo, and my red-haired boy. Ryan loves being in trees and on the rocks. He scares me. But, he IS MY boy and I used to do those very things when I was young and fearless. Now, I am the fearful one. RYAN!!! Get aWAY from the edge!!! My brother said he enjoyed watching me and my passion for photography. He and his family TOTALLY made my day. I am ever so thankful for them; we have a special bond.

Well, it’s kind of dark and we’re a bit distant but this just shows that we finally got a little photo of our little family. Wait. Let me put another one on here. Okay, me and my man. For next Christmas, I wish I could hire several of you tto come and take our Christmas portrait. Then I’d be happy!

Isn’t it frustrating when you envision something fanTAStic and then you finally get to put the wheels in motion, yet the outcome isn’t really what was in your “vision”? That’s THE story of MY life! Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to dump anything on you now. I’ve had enough of that done to me, so, I’ll spare YOU! ( 8   But, here’s how the week went-flew by.

Christmas was great and busy and pretty and messy. It was nice to have my parents and sister here for the first Christmas time ever at our house. Too bad it took so many years to get them here! I believe they’ve missed out on alot of fun with my kids growing up. They were great with my little Grands, but once 3 yr. old Autumn got into her hysterical belly laugh routine, Dad suddenly found it easy to get out of his chair and assertively tell mom that he was getting weary. So, my dear Brianne took my parents and sister home. 

The whole week was about family and who was coming up to visit on what day. I loved the action! I LOVED that my youngest brother and his wife actually like to come to my house, unlike other family members who are used to the fine life and no doubt, feel my house is too small and in the wrong neighborhood. So, BAH on that! I met up with a family member at the mall in order t get to see her. I love her and understand where she’s coming from. As for the rest of the family, we all have a choice to visit or not. It  depends on what all is going on and where you really want to be and who is the hierarchy (and I think I misspelled that but don’t want to bother checking).

Alot of my time near the end of the year was spent taking photos of other people so that they had a nice shot for their Christmas card. My other time was gobbled up with  time spent at the gym, whipping my chubby, shortnnss into the beginnings of a new shape. I am deTERmined to find myself underneath all this unwanted flesh. There is a new creature hiding in there,  wanting to burst out and have a go at living a more exciting life. Could it be because she will be 55 in 3 months? Or, could it be because she will be married 32 years in May and wants to look amazing and hear precious and rare compliments from her husband? Yes. That’s part of it.

There is this feeling of desperation deep inside the aging part of my mind; that time is short and that I better pull myself together and be who I’m meant to be.  My sister, who lives the epitomy of the pretty life, told me to put myself on the list. I asked her, “What list?” Yeah, I’m one of those who serves people, takes care of everybody, makes sure everybody is healthy, clean and safe and loved and hugged and kissed and photographed and well-mannered and that they get to go out and have fun. So, putting myself on that list is something I’m trying to do without become uber selfish and self-serving.  I mean, I could EASily dredge  up that old nature and become the  “It’s ALL About Me” queen and totally feel sorry for myself and use my sad childhood as the perfect excuse to go all out and splurge on ridiculously expensive living.. . then the obedient heart girl would show up in me and I’d feel sick to my stomach and not sleep for days.  So, I choose the right balance and things go better, especially with a touch of chocolate in my mouth.

This has gotten way too wordy. I don’t normally do this. But, this is the New Year, so I guess I’d better use my words now, while I have the chance. After all, I may not be around tomorrow.

Here we are again, only this time we have more snow! You can’t tell by this slightly blurry (thanks to however xanga processes photos) shot that this Jeep thinks he’s a Big Shot. I think it’s a he. He used to run around on one of Tex Earnhardt’s ranches. Tex is a rancher and car dealership phenom. His slogan on TV commercials was “That Ain’t No Bull”. He’d say it while sitting on top of a live bull, no doubt feeling like quite the Big Shot. When my dad was younger and into woodworking and advertising sales, he made a few nice items for ole Tex, such as a boot puller doo dad, etc. Dad felt like a Big Shot then, dealing with big, sort of famous Tex. I know people who live to be the Big Shot, the You’re All That, the One Everyone Wants to Be, or so they think. I have NO idea what’s it like to be up there in that very high falutin’ spot. All I know is that I’m content being here where I am with Jesus through me, not needing to be a Big Shot. He IS all I need, gives me all I need, promises the future that I need. Happy Holy Days and Merry Christmas!

Our little old Jeepster got a bit of a dusting of powdered sugar from heaven yesterday. This morning, there’s alot more. I love this snow because it makes me feel more Christmasy. I haven’t been feeling it aaat ALL, so anything like this will help! I don’t know what I’d do without my camera to zoom in on bits and bunches of beauty here and there! And what would I do, where would I be if it wasn’t for God’s love burrowing into my heart and soul? 

My “baby” girl will be H O M E! I cannot wait! It took me 2 months before I really began to miss her and I think that’s because I had so much “else” going on. Now that the “else” has settled down, I can feel a bit more normal. ….~~~~~…. well, new normal. And BAM, from the depths of my heart came this ache for my daughter.  Bits of  hours and chunks of days go by and I realize more often that each moment is a stepping stone that gets me closer to where I’d like to be….a thorough appreciation for all the physical and spiritual stretch marks, a maturity and a peace that can only come from life experience. And thankfully, my God takes care of all my needs, every single one of them.

I breathed your name

and you came

in all your glory

to the door

of my

heart.

Some days I just need to do nothing. This is one of them. You know how it is, right? I’d like to go back to this spot where it’s peaceful, there’s a lake, a waterfall, awesome rock formations, trees and such changing colors, a patch of sand to lay a blanket on, blue sky with whisps of white…Oh boy, I see what time it is and need to get my face on. I just hope a certain person isn’t disappointed in me for giving her so few addresses for her jewelry party she wants me to host. Why can’t I just SAY NO???

 Today I took my daughter-in-love out for a bit; we both needed a break from life as we have known it. And we both needed to spend time together. it’s been awhile since my folks took over my attention. I bought her a Fairytale pumpkin…one of those cool grayish ones.  I love it when something like that brings delight to someone! Oh, phooey, I didn’t take a photo of her with it. Oh well. I did get other photos.  I will just ramble on and dream of a day when I figure out how to do a fabulous post like some of you do, where the photos are coordinated with the words. I am definately NOT tech savvy. But that’s okay. We’ll live. So the photo with all the dust flying is from backyard (needs alot of work) activity with the dog, Kilo, my son Ryan (redhairedboy) my 2 granddollies, Autumn and Grace. Grace was bunching up her dress so I thought that was a Nikon moment. While all that dusty fun was taking place out back, my little Lump ‘o butter Brendan was napping on my bed. The light was just right for shots of his hand and piggies. That sweet child is almost 2 months already. He sleeps and eats like a champ. He also smiles at me but I didn’t catch that one. I caught his mommy instead; I LOVE her pretty smile!

There are so many things I’d love to accomplish. Not just photography. Not just weight loss. Not just a thorough housecleaning. Not just major yard work or crafty projects or selling my inherited dolls on Ebay.  I want to not be so  afraid of  childhood issues coming to the front of my heart and its memory.  Isn’t it hard when certain people remind you of past pain? It’s also hard when their current behavior causes continuing frustration and you see NO way out.  I have spent most of the past month praying  and eating my way  out of this tHiNg I’m in. Hallelujah, I do believe I’m getting somewhere other than more down.

Now for other “stuff”. Got my hair done. No photo needed. It’s just a bit shorter. I’m happy. The gal who does my hair is going to help me with a weight loss-execise regime.  That torture begins on Tuesday.  So, maybe in the near future, I’ll post photos of an improved me….finally.

I went to church this morning and enjoyed the music part. Music has aLOT to do with my worship experience. Then the message begins…video streamed from the nearby “sanctuary”. Giving. A worn out subject in our church but this time with a twist. A guilt trip, no doubt for some.  As for OUR giving…it doesn’t happen out of guilt or obligation. We give when we get “the nudge” to whatever or whomever we get “the nudge” about. Plain and simple. The giving message could’ve been 5 minutes long had my hubby given it. He gets right to the point. ( 8  P.S. He’s not a preacher, but does teach.

This week was one of the toughest in my life, as far as normal life with nothing catastrophic. Emotional and mental things. Hurt from certain people. Doing without, while others (family) get to have and enjoy so much. That ugly old question popped up again in my heart and worse yet, in hubby’s heart. “WHEN is it ever going to be OUR turn?” Our turn… to live how we feel we need to. Which means, safely in a house  that doesn’t have a failing septic system and safe from neighbors who are so troubled (scary), and having the freedom to travel on the weekends, and most of all, it’d be nice to not have to be carrying this awfully heavy load of well, that’s a whole ‘nother story.  We did manage to get past the pitiful Woe is Me party. We do realize that we seem to be some of God’s favorite people to chisel and pick and squish and mold and hammer and all that “perfecting a work in you” stuff. I get it. I love that He loves me so much. I do want to be perfected, worked on. I love that some of this can help me understand and empathize with other people’s situations. I do hate whining and I did pretty much stop. What makes it all so hard to move ahead several steps is when certain people keep stealing whatever joy I had. Hear that sucking noise? Now. What absolutely HELPS is….YOU people.  I would jump up and down and hug every single one of you if you walked through my red front door.  I’d let you help me make a mess in my kitchen, making good stuff to eat. But please don’t go out back and get the dog running around, kicking up that choking dust. I hate dust. Today was hard for me with it all flying around, although it did make for interesting, real life photos.  Okay, the rambling will stop here.