Sometimes I am blinded by the harsh circumstances in life,

the piercing sharp sun in my heart's eye as I

try to avoid the heat, the burn, the light.

I cower in tears that I have gathered

in my soul

the expressions of fear

that are blackened like coal.

In this pathetic heap

surrounded by doubt

I finally reach out

and seek a sweet, gentle ray

to warm my heart in a splendid way.

Unaware of God's plan,

His amazing snare

Awakens a friend

to take my hand and say

The Lord is loving on me today.

By, me, GAil 

Dedicated to Necia

Three years ago my Mom was dealing with breast cancer. She nearly died from the vicious chemo! On Father's Day evening, (last Sunday) she sent out an e-mail asking for prayer because a new mammo revealed some ugliness in the same side that she had the cancer in. Prayers went up all over the place. Well, yesterday she had another mammo, an MRI, and a biopsy. Then another mammo to make sure the bad area was marked properly. The next step was going to be to talk with the surgeon. Her doctor was positive it was malignant. He called her this evening and in a baffled voice told her that what he knew to be cancer was now NOT cancer/not malignant! Of course, we all know. It's a miracle for Mom. THANK GOD!!!!

I'm at the end of my Xanga rope! The frustration with the problems makes me want to Xtrangle whoever is in charge of this organization! Obviously, some of them are perverted because of the disgusting IMVU stuff and now, I see, cartooned girl kissing girl. Ew. Major ew. This is not what I want and I don't want my friends to have to look at that, either! I refuse to PAY to upgrade just to get rid of the trash; that's not right! So, my dears, I am definately moving my blogging and pictures to Bits From Gail's Haven at blogger. If you type in elmbeetlehill.blogspot.com, you'll find me. I have no trouble whatsoever with downloading pictures! I also don't have to put up with any semi pornographic trash either! It's just clean, pretty things there on elmbeetlehill and at my Haven.  I will still keep in touch with everyone; I'd die if I couldn't! Love ya bunches, GAil

Down the campground road he ran

with his grownup feet'

his fatherly grin

this race,

at his little girl's pace

so that in her heart

she believed she could win.

The gravel on the bend

was soft,

so he fell.

She could tell

it no longer mattered who'd win,

but that together

they could begin again.

Hello my Xanga girlfriends. Because I wanted to get some of my Antiques pictures on the screen, I decided to post on http://elmbeetlehill.blogspot.com. Go here and look for my current thing on Bits From Gail's Haven. If I don't get things squared away with Xanga, I'll post my Orange Blog on there as well. Hubby says we're getting a new hard drive in the mail; it's coming from North Korea??? Anyway, I just really want a convenient, easy to use way to post what's on my heart! Love ya bunches, GAil

Okay, so now I am frustrated! I have all these awesome pictures to show you and Xanga now has this UNawesome photo manager set-up and I can't get my pictures from that onto my blog! Does anybody know how to help me? This new technology shows that I probably should've been on display as one of the antiques on the Square!

I must tell you about this! I know that the Lord is wanting me to realize that part of my misery is of my own doing. Weight gain. It's ugly. It's depressing. To me, anyway. For summer, I like to wear pale aqua and yellow and pink t-shirts and tank tops. Well, my boobs have gotten fat. The entire boob. I am a modest person and don't ever want to appear in anything that would cause a male to stumble. So, I realized I had a problem and I didn't want to confine my shirt selection to black. I went to our nice department store and very shyly purchased silicone gel petals. I was the only customer for the three older sales ladies! They all smiled knowingly at me and the one said confidently that this product was indeed a good one! I'm sure my face was at least crimson. I went home, put the petals on and hoped that they would do the trick. At one point, I was cold so I checked the mirror. To my grief, there were the "puppy noses" big as day. I was so frustrated with myself! I just know it's all because I am too fat! I've never had these things this big before! After awhile I forgot all about it because other "stuff" was going on, demanding my attention. Later, I crawled into bed, looking forward to some real talk time with God. Hubby was snoring away and I was praying and switching positions in my teeny space in our double bed. WHAT? I rolled onto my side along with my big, cumbersome boobies and ahahahahaha! The petals were still on! You're supposed to take them off at night but I forgot. I giggled all to myself and I guess God had a giggle, too. And I was warm all night. ( :  Now, I really need prayer to have the determination to lose weight!

Under the crumble

of the tiring facade

stands yet another

red laced with mortar

stubborn foundation

held on iron rods.

My own strength is fading,

worn plaster falls.

God please pull me out

from behind this brick wall.

Sometimes I feel like a flower in a windstorm

losing my petals and leaves.

But Jesus my Savior will hold me together

simply because I believe!

And when the waters rush over the ground

tearing my roots away,

I will come back,

a beautiful flower

where Jesus holds me that day.

What blesses your socks off? This morning in church, a little brother and sister were singing along earnestly and sweetly to How Great Thou Art! Behind them were best buddies Randy and Kenneth. Those two are in their thirties. Randy is about 6'2" and is a bit retarded. He wears thick lenses in his glasses. He has a crooked mouth with thick lips and very large teeth.  He has a heart of gold. He loves to tell people who's in charge. Kenneth is about 5' short. He is a Down's Syndrome guy and very charming. He LOVES to sing in church! He sings off key, but when he belts out How Great Thou Aaaaart and  "then sings my SOOOOOOOOOOOuuul", everybody around him smiles and good-naturedly laughs with him. I always get tears in my eyes. Always. This morning, even though I wasn't wearing socks, I got my socks blessed off!

Friday, May 15th, 1992 (My journal entry)

I gave birth to my little girl this morning at 5:27! She's a cutie. Brianne weighed 8lbs. 6 oz. and is 20 inches long. Her hair is light brown, her eye brows are barely visible. I am so awed that this cute little baby came out of me. The process of her birth was a little painful but not traumatic. We did so well, in fact that she doesn't even have a pointed head. Fortunately, she doesn't have my nose but she has my mouth and she has a round little face with a tiny chin. She knows what a pleasure it is to suck her thumb! Brianne Elise...a gift, a miracle.

My blue eyed little girl is a young lady. I've been reading through my journal and laugh at some of the things she said! At three, she said, " The moon is like a little ball; it's on a little string and God's holding it."  "I wish we had a flying car!" I asked her why. She said, "So I can go tell God, 'You made a BEAUTIFUL rainbow!'"  "How do you park in God's driveway?" My journal is full of funny quotes, antics, escapades, etc. She has certainly made our lives interesting! When she was 2 months old I wrote, "I don't want her to grow up, yet I'm anxious to see how she rolls over, and to hear how she laughs!"

Well, she has proven to us that she can do anything she sets her mind to. Her laugh is infectious, her singing voice is heavenly, she not only rolls well ( :  she does an awesome belly roll, which I really can't describe but it's entertaining! I am still amazed that THAT child came out of me! I feel like God truly smiled on me that early morning and He still is!

Brianne is pictured with her special guy. <3

I don't know what it's like to be infertile for forever.

I don't know what it's like to lose a fully formed or full grown child.

I don't know what it's like to have lost my Mother

I pray she'll still be here for quite a long while.

The ache in the center

of the soul in my chest

is the sadness for you

who've laid loved ones to rest.

I want to live happily forever

grateful to have had a third child

Knowing the love unique to a Mother

I pray in God's love to abide.

In these pictures you see things on my desk, things in my purse, things in my kitchen and things on my coffee table. Maybe I'll post my outside greens tomorrow!  I'm sorry for the fuzzy one of the pitcher that holds my old potato mashers. I must not have had my glasses on!

With a vow and a promise

A kiss and a ring

We stood there together

Before Jesus our King;

To love and to cherish

'Til our dying day.

My little girl dream came true

That third evening in May.

Happy 29th Anniversary to my Honey and me!

My dear Ryan was born on April 28th, 1994. He weighed 8lbs. 5 oz. and had fuzz on his head that was the color of light chili powder. The rust came out of the pipes! He has been a delightful person; truly a gift from the Lord! For his birthday, we went to the Humane Society and picked up a Lab puppy. This little black doggy is named Kilo. No, he's not a drug dog! Ryan said it's a Hawaiian word. So, Kilo it is and we all love him! We love our Ryan SO very much! HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!!!!!!! Love, MOM

Pink is a color with so much meaning! In these photos, the pink rubber bracelet is in memory of our little friend Courtney who went to be with Jesus 2 years ago on March 25th at the age of 17. The next photo is my silly little finger puppet that I got at Old Navy for a screamin' deal. The last photo is my Brianne (being silly), who will be 17 next month. She's a dear and I hope to have her around beyond the age of 17!!!

Many of us have had a "close call" in our lives. Nine years ago today, I had a big one. I was admitted to the hospital for emergency surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy. During surgery, something went wrong and in 5 minutes, I lost half my body's blood supply. I'd already lost the baby, which, at the time I didn't know was in the tube. After surgery, the doctor, nurse and anesthesiologist were all struggling to wake me up.. Finally, I was barely aware that something was going on and I desperately wanted my husband. I felt miles away in a world of sheer pain, yet tried so very hard to call my husband. He was there but I still was too far away to realize he was talking to me and stroking my arm. Once I heard him, I felt comforted. Still in sheer pain, but glad he was there. Much later, my doctor explained to me what happened and I realized I almost died. Even later, the sadness and confusion of the pregnancy had me tied up in knots. Eventually, I recovered and experienced the thrill for living, in my own careful way. At the same time, my old enemy, FEAR stepped in and nightmares of losing my children took over. AGAIN.  Each year on this day, I thank the Lord for letting me live. But, PLEASE Lord, let me not fear. No matter what happens, let me trust YOU to take care of everything and everyone I love.  "Glory to Thee for strength withheld, For want and weakness known, And the fear that sends me to Thyself  for what is most mine own. I have a heritage of joy that yet I must not see; But the hand that bled to make it mine, Is keeping it for me." Oh, dear ones, God surely does love us all. I am so grateful to be alive! Someday soon, I will be FULLY, gloriously alive!!! Today is a GOOD DAY.  That pillow was made for me by my dear daughter, who has a knack for giving me special things when the Lord knows I need it the most.

I declare that we do a pink/purple color blog; pictures that strike your fancy! So, let's see what we all come up with! Should we set a limit on pictures per blog? Like 5  pictures each time? I'm just thinking of the people who's computers take a long time to download. Tell me what you think! Love, GAil

   My favorite pictures from my Yellow blog... 1. dried roses on blue and cream plate ...2. "Relax Awhile" hanging on gate...3. little yellow tomatoes in white enamel bowl

This was fun to do and I am continuing. After I finish with yellow, I am thinking of doing orange. Or green. Or blue.   What would YOU do? Do you have a favorite color?

I have three favorites from this bunch of pictures. Which ones do you think they are?